It's an odd thing for an atheist to say, but I love Christmas. I don't do it myself, but I
enjoy watching Christians celebrate the birth of their spiritual leader by placing huge
plastic illuminated Santas on their lawns, and genuflecting at the alter of
consumerism.
According to the New Consumers' Bible (Published by Corporate America),
Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving, 'Thou shalt go to thy stores and
purchase as much stuff as you can carry in the SUV.'
This year, Christians can claim their first shopping victim. According to AP, 'A mob of
shoppers rushing for a sale on DVD players trampled the first woman in line and
knocked her unconscious as they scrambled for the shelves at a Wal-Mart
Supercenter.
'Patricia VanLester had her eye on a $29 DVD player, but when the siren blared at 6
a.m. Friday announcing the start to the post-Thanksgiving sale, the 41-year-old was
knocked to the ground by the frenzy of shoppers behind her.'
VanLester was found unconscious on top of a DVD player after suffering a seizure.
The woman was obviously too spiritually weak to enter the temple of Wal-Mart and
make her first Christian 'Birth of Christ' purchase; perhaps she doubted God for a
brief moment and the forces of Satan filled her heart with impure thoughts, and
serpents writhed at her feet, or maybe she was wearing the crotchless panties of
Beelzebub … or something like that.
Whatever happened, the other shoppers trampled over her and stampeded toward
the bargains, which they held up to the light and said 'Thank you Jesus. For on the
eighth day God created the $29 DVD player and saw that they were good.'
I love Christmas. It's a heartwarming time of Christian joy and goodwill toward your
neighbors; unless, of course, some sniveling little epileptic mo'f**king bitch gets in
between you and a bargain, and then they're toast.
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This is unbelievable!! Did you see this? AP reports that: 'LAFAYETTE, La. (AP)—A
7-year-old boy was scolded and forced to write 'I will never use the word 'gay' in
school again' after he told a classmate about his lesbian mother, the American Civil
Liberties Union alleged ... .
'Second-grader Marcus McLaurin was waiting for recess Nov. 11 at Ernest Gaullet
Elementary School when a classmate asked about Marcus' mother and father, the
ACLU said in a complaint.'
The child said that his mother was gay. 'Gay is when a girl likes another girl,' said
the boy.
A teacher, who overheard the remark, sent the boy to the principal's office for using a
'dirty word'—gay. The boy was then forced to come early to school and repeatedly
write, 'I will never use the word 'gay' in school again.'
How about the teacher and principal repeatedly write 'I am unemployed' for the next
year or two.
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Well, that would explain it.
AP reports that Ozzy Osbourne has told a British newspaper that he was molested
as a child by two older youths after school, and that he was still suffering the
emotional effects from it today.
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In a TV vote, the folks in what was formerly East Germany chose Karl Marx as the
'Best German Ever.'
I find this a little odd, as he was the least funny of the Marx Brothers. Karl's 'The
weapon of criticism must ultimately be replaced by criticism of the weapon' doesn't
hold a candle to Groucho's 'Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped' in the
laughs department.
Yes, I'm coming out of the closet as a Marxist. A Groucho Marxist.
