I'm sure you've all read about the Harry Potter battery-operated vibrating broomstick that is "stimulating" young girls around the country. What next? The Hogwarts double-ended Black Stallion dildo, the Hagrid ball stretcher, the Hermione Granger penis pump … Of course, this isn't the first time a children's movie has inspired an adult spin-off; who can forget last year's hit, "Gandalf's Xtra-Large Nipple Suckers" from Lord of the Cock Rings. A mother in Texas said, "My titties were like two bee stings until my son insisted we buy Gandalf's Nipple Suckers. He soon got bored playing with them so I tried them out. My nipples are now so big and juicy I could suckle 101 Dalmations on them."
I'm really looking forward to the sequels.
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Who Does She Think She Is?
Saparmurat Niyazov, the president of Turkmenistan, has—all by his lonesome—decided to change the names of the days of the week and the 12 months of the year. ( April is now "Gurbansoltan-edzhe," which is the name of his mother. )
Get her! Now I come to think of it, though, we could make the calendar a little more gay by changing the days of the week to: Sappho ( Sunday ) ; Stein ( Monday ) ; Etheridge ( Tuesday ) ; Toklas ( Wednesday ) ; lang ( Thursday ) ; DeGeneres ( Friday ) ; O'Donnell ( Saturday ) .
And the months: Liberace ( January ) ; Streisand ( February ) ; Midler ( March ) ; Cher ( April ) ; Boy George ( May ) ; Garland ( June ) ; Monroe ( July ) ; Stryker ( August ) ; RuPaul ( September ) ; Michael ( October ) ; Sylvester ( November ) ; Mercury ( December ) .
When was your birthday this year? Mine was Stein 16th RuPaul.
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About three years ago I was asked to be a security guard at a comic convention out near O'Hare airport. ( No, don't laugh, I can be butch for pay. ) It was there that I spent the most baffling two days of my life. I have no interest in comics; in fact, I have an aversion to anything that scrapes into the spectrum of that genre: science fiction, Dungeons and Dragons, anything with wizards, dwarfs or warrior princesses in it.
For two days I watched in stunned silence as a parade of people passed through wearing the costumes of their favorite fictional character. As a security guard I was aware that a fight could break out at any moment, and I would be called upon to step in and wrestle a hobbit to the ground. As an acid casualty from the '60s this was all too weird for me. Luckily for me the Orcs and Dr. Who's were on their best behavior.
And then a friend of mine went to an S&M convention and told me this story. Apparently, one of the attendees had a sexual fantasy of being raped by superheroes. So, at some point, the guy was jumped, dragged off to a dungeon and savagely gang-raped by the Green Lantern, Batman, Superman etc. I'm not making this up!! Presumably, this guy was the fun time had by all … superheroes.
Now I read in Southern Voice about a group of sci-fi gays attending DragonCon, Atlanta's 15-year-old science fiction and fantasy fan convention. Some gay people insist that Star Trek helped them come out. "Star Trek was always on the forefront of acceptance for different groups," said one guy referring to TV's first interracial kiss. "That helped the future look not so bleak to someone like me who was a kid just beginning to realize I was gay."
Apparently, DagonCon is quite gay with an abundance of leather and Klingon costumes. Never having seen an episode of Star Trek—no, really!—I can't say whether a Klingon costume would give me a boner or not. I'll take their word for it. If you're interested in OutWorlders, Atlanta's gay sci-fi group, go visit www.outworlders.org
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Here's one from Toronto's National Post: "A group of men who marched in the buff through downtown Toronto during this summer's Gay Pride Day parade were cleared of public nudity charges because they were wearing shoes." It seems that in Canada "public nudity" means completely, utterly, absolutely bare-assed. Now, as my regular readers know, I don't just READ the news, I ANALYZE the news. OK I don't analyze like "normal" people, but …
… anyway, this Canadian public nudity law got me thinking. What if the guys had been marching through Toronto wearing nothing but two strings of pearls and carrying a purse? Do accessories count as clothes? Or what if they were carrying vacuum cleaners?
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The Guardian reports that Britain's Prince Charles has written to Prime Minister Tony Blair claiming that farmers are discriminated against by society more than gays and ethnic minorities. He was complaining that the government should give more money to farmers.
Even the National Farmers' Union says this is nonsense, and that the billions of pounds given to farmers in subsidies dwarfs the money awarded to ethnic and gay minorities.
Of course, Charles is not known for being smart. After all, the Prince did dump a Princess for a frog.
