Every year I say to myself 'I'm getting a flu shot,' and every year I forget and every year I get sick and spend a few days staring at the ceiling from my 'death bed.' Will I ever learn? Probably not … well, not this year anyway. So I'm in bed staring at the ceiling and I see cobwebs. Don't cobwebs mean spiders? I don't know … .
I get hysterical anywaynever miss the opportunity to whip up some dramaand I end up lying in bed with a vacuum cleaner sucking arachno-condos off the ceiling. My fear of spiders goes back to … whenever. Possibly even further back than that, to a previous incarnation when I was the Queen of Sheba. I don't really have that many phobias: spiders, snakes, and heights; I'm one of those people who gets the strange urge to jump when standing at the top of a building. I'm also one of those people that other people want to push from high buildings, which probably adds to my unsettling fears about height.
But these are pretty logical fears. However, I do have a few illogical fears too i.e. they don't make any sense, but they scare the shit out of me anyway.
One of my worst fears is of people who play Dungeons and Dragons and other dwarf role-playing games. I thought these games had gone out of fashion, but I recently heard that some gay men actually go out into the woods and … er … fight wizard battles. I blame Lord of the Rings.
I translate this 'woodland behavior' as 'I've got a low level job in a bank, but somewhere deep inside me there's a weekend Mother-Earth-Loving-Hippie screaming to get out.'
It also translates as 'I am a big fat loser.' If I ruled the world: 1 ) Every day would be the first day of Spring, and 2 ) I would release all those innocent Black guys in jail and replace them with white males who think they're hobbits.+++ Go to Talkingpresidents.com and listen to the garbage coming out of the Ann Coulter Talking Action figure. My favorite is: 'Why not go to war just for oil, we need oil. What do Hollywood celebrities imagine fuels their private jets? How do they think their cocaine is delivered to them?'
She also calls swing voters 'idiot voters.' Coulter, not surprisingly, is a regular on Fox News, and is the right-wing freak du jour. I'm not buying the doll, though. Although, I'm very tempted to buy the Top Gun George W. Bush doll; draft dodgers in military uniform are hot.+++
The latest hot porn site is the Christian Action Network's www.stopgaydays.com, which contains sordid photographs of gay shenanigans at Disney's Gay Day. A shocker!!+++
I thought I'd check out cdnow.com and see what crap they had in their Christmas Album section: 6,048 to choose from. I'd choose this one: 'Christmas with the Rat Pack' with Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. … It seems like everyone from Jethro Tull to the Muppets made a Christmas album … … I know I'm often accused of 'thinking too much' … … but isn't there a strange irony in Al Green and Otis Redding both recording White Christmas. Think about it … 'I'm dreaming of a WHITE Christmas.'
I suppose 'I'm dreaming of a BLACK Christmas' wouldn't work, would it? Oh well, it was just a thought.