I thought the recent $5,000 bid for a pair of President John F. Kennedy's Navy boxer shorts at an auction was a little bit high; it's not
like he was wearing them. I think selling dead people's clothes is tacky.
I was horrified a couple of years back when Mahatma Gandhi's crotchless panties with the words Eat My Pussy Out printed on the
waistband turned up in an auction in Paris; along with Mother Theresa's legwarmers (signed by Jane Fonda), and Mary Todd
Lincoln's double-headed Black Stallion 'Yo Bitch' dildo.
I think a dead celebrity's underwear and sex toys are way too personal to be passed on to someone else; unless, of course,
Johnny Depp kicks the bucket and passes his intimate items onto me … then it's OK. I think Mr. Depp is so adorable I wouldn't mind
being buried alive in his dirty laundry basket.
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Why oh why is SNL still on TV? It's absolute garbage! The funniest comedians in the U.S. are the religious homophobes. I love
them. Fred Phelps is a comedic genius. I think his signs are hilarious.
Jerry Falwell is always good for a laugh as well and he's up there with Jim Carrey when it comes to facial expressions. I love
watching Falwell on TV because when he talks about 'homosexuality' he looks like a drooling butt-hungry Muppet.
However, I'm very disappointed with Pat Robertson; he's just not funny as a stand-up. It's a shame really because his material is
hilarious, but his delivery and timing need work. He talks to God personally (Plenty of jokes there), 9/11 was God's revenge on the
U.S for tolerating homosexuality (it was actually Falwell's joke, but Robertson cashed in on it), and now he has his audience praying
for the demise/retirement of three pro-gay U.S. Supreme Court Justices with 'health problems' … . I hate to see a funny routine
wasted. Think what Chris Rock could have done with the above jokes …
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You can waste hours of your employer's time by popping virtual bubble wrap at urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html
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OK so I'm a late-bloomer in some ways, but I'm just beginning to discover the wonderful world of 'conventions.' I met someone in
a bar the other day who had just got back from G Fest. For the uninitiated, like myself, that translates as Godzilla Fest. He then
proceeded to show me his G Fest purchases; a collection of small Godzilla figures through the ages. Is it me or is that like … odd?
Who knew there was such an event?
And then I found this Reuters news item: 'It's official: Santa is from Greenland, according to an edict from the world's top Father
Christmases at their annual summit in Denmark.'
Wait a minute … there's an annual summit of Santas!! Well ... yes. Apparently, Santas from 12 countries including Japan, Canada,
Britain and Spain recently decided where Santa really came from; it's Greenland.
It's always been assumed that Santa came from Finnish Lapland, but … get this! … Finnish Santas were not present at the summit
to vote. So I'm guessing this was some kind of political coup in the Santa world.
THE GOOD NEWS: Kurt Flemming, chairman of the 40th annual Father Christmas World Congress, promises bigger presents for
children this year, but smaller ones for politicians.
Next thing you know we'll have a Santa running for president … well, why not, the White House is currently inhabited by the
village idiot.
