While most people are skipping up the Yellow Brick Road toward gay rights, those ideological fuck buddies George W. and Pope John Paul II (Whatever happened to Pope George Ringo?) are sitting in a field hopelessly lost and smoking some fierce weed.
The tried and trusted method of political figures diverting attention away from their fuck-ups isn't going to work in this case. Bush shining a grim spotlight on gay marriage is not going to stop people being pointlessly murdered in Iraq, and the Old Fuck in the Vatican can't get away from the fact that some of his staff rape children.
You would think they'd shut the fuck up, but nooo … these two goons come out with gums a flappin' and actually think someone is listening.
The reality is that everyone is too busy watching Queer Eye on TV and laughing their ass off over the Gigli reviews.
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… And now we have the Virginia-based Christian Action Network (CAN), who, according to gay.com, aim to stop Gay Days at Disney World.
CAN are distributing a videotape of this year's Gay Day that 'depicts homosexuals kissing and fondling each other and engaging in public nudity, simulated sex acts and alleged drug use at Disney theme parks.'
Hopefully the video will soon be released on DVD. I'm creaming my jeans just thinking about it.
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OK, so I sat there with a bunch of slightly drunk, maudlin, middle-age faggots, and the conversation gets to—as it always does with slightly drunk, maudlin, middle-age faggots—the gay icons: Bette Davis, Joan Crawford … y'know, all those celluloid creatures gay kids don't give a flying fuck about anymore. Someone mentioned Petula Clark. Is she a gay icon? I decided to go on-line and study her gay-resume.
Uhhh … Well, she did star in a movie called The Gay Dog, and another one called The Gay Intruder. No, the latter has got nothing to do with being rear-ended in Man's Country. And the former doesn't have anything to do with being rear-ended in Man's Country either.
While I was looking up Petula Clark, I came across a really groovy website: www.swinginchicks.com
I'm hooked. It's white go-go boots for days. Everything you ever wanted to know about Lesley Gore, Nancy Sinatra etc.
Remember Ode to Billie Joe by Bobbie Gentry: 'I saw him at the sawmill yesterday on Choctaw Ridge, and now you tell me Billie
Joe's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.'
Movie Quiz Question: Why did Billie Joe jump off the bridge? I'll tell you later.
According to her bio, Bobby Gentry was famous for her tomboy image, and she also had two marriages that both lasted less than a year. Mmm … are you thinking what I'm thinking?
One definite lesbian from the '60s was the Singing Nun. Remember Dominique? Well, she left the convent, became a drug addict and, in 1985, entered into a suicide pact with her lover Annie Pescher.
They don't make nuns like that anymore …
Answer: In the movie, Billie Joe jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge because he was a homosexual. Too easy! Try this one. Who was born in Chicago, appeared in two movies with Elvis, starred in Where the Boys Are and then became a nun in Cincinnati in 1963.
Go look it up at www.swinginchicks.com
