The Rainbow Network reports that police in rural West Wales are treating as a homophobic crime a recent incident in which two dildos were left outside the house of three gay men. 'The two exotic toys—one gold and one white—were left at the North Pembrokeshire home of Mike Foxwell at Hebron, Whitland, who shares the roadside house with two friends,' writes the paper.
Apparently, the guys were offended by the sudden appearance of the dildos. What is it with these Welsh queens?
That wasn't a homophobic statement. The 'offensive' objects were left on the doorstep by the Sex Toy Fairies. They're like the tooth fairy only … uh … they don't deal with teeth.
The Sex Toy Fairies bring gifts to homosexuals who are really, really good in bed. And that's why hardly a week goes by without me finding rubber cock-rings all over my doorstep … or they might be rubber bands the mailperson drops. Whatever, I'm using them as cock-rings anyway …
+++
I get some weird mail coming into my box at the Windy City Times office. Last week I was invited to Save The Endangered Manatee. So I'm thinking, 'What the fuck is a manatee?' I'm guessing it's an insect.
So I go online and type in MANATEE … can you get any more butt-ugly than those creatures. The following came from a Web site:
'Description: West Indian manatees are large, gray aquatic mammals with bodies that taper to a flat, paddle-shaped tail. They have two forelimbs, called flippers, with three to four nails. Their head and face are wrinkled with whiskers on the snout … blah blah blah.'
Anyone reading this column for the first time is probably going to think I'm insane, but regular readers know how my mind works. So I'm thinking, supposing a group of five gay manatees are off the coast of Florida and doing that Queer Manatee Eye for the Straight Manatee Guy thing … or whatever.
And one of the Queer Manatee takes the Straight Manatee for a manicure (See above description of manatee. Note: Nails on flippers). Now, what I want to know is this: Flipper nails—does that require a manicure or a pedicure? Or is it a man(atee)cure?
You can e-mail your answers to me at sukie@windycitymediagroup.com .
+++
In a country where poverty-stricken young girls are expected to get naked in bars and pick up coins from tables with their vaginas, it seems odd that Thailand's government has just banned three racy songs from the country's radio and TV stations.
Reuters reports that country-flavored songs 'I Fear No Sins' and 'I Do Fear Sins,' which allude to extra-marital affairs, and 'Big, Flabby Buttocks' are immoral.
Earlier this year, Thai women were also berated by the 'Culture Minister' for wearing 'spaghetti-strap' tops that revealed shoulders. If they're banning 'Big, Flabby Buttocks' and spaghetti-strap tops, I guess I'll be taking my vacation somewhere else this year.
Chicago Whispers
I received this email from Bart Lombard.
'Just was in Chicago the past weekend and picked up the Aug. 20 Windy City Times and read your 'Chicago Whispers' column and the item about the former Ozone club.
'As a former bartender at the Ozone and then general manager of three of Dr. Steve's former operations, I enjoyed reading the account of Sylvester's appearance at the bar. It was indeed a great night. However, the former member is incorrect when he says there were no other major events at the short-lived leather dance bar. In addition to Sylvester, there were concerts by the late disco diva Vicki Sue Robinson (whadda story on that one) and the attractive gay singer Paul Parker, among them.
'I started working in the bars in Chicago in 1977, Alfie's and LePub, as well as the old haunts of The Brownstone, Cheeks, Glory Hole, Loading Zone, Ozone and finally as general manager of Dr. Steve's Loading Dock, Men's Room and Halsted's. I left Chicago in 1988 but the memories of those days are still vivid, where the bar employees were 'celebrities' of sort and the bars merely served as their homebase. ... I have to admit, it brings back the sadness of the loss of so many of those fun folk. But because there aren't many of us bar wrench old-timers around, the column does validate that time and the people who supplied such wonderful and heart-felt memories from those wild and oh so wacky times.'
Bart Lombard's first gay bar in Chicago …
'The first gay bar I went to was actually by mistake; it was Alfie's on Rush Street, 1976. ... A female friend and I were in Chicago for the night meeting college friends ... A tall handsome man looked at our group and asked for ID's and said he thought my friends might not like the club but that I was certainly welcome. My friends started laughing ... telling me that this was a 'homosexual' club ... . We traveled down Rush to the private straight club Faces and got in and danced the night away, but when I came back to Chicago about seven months later, and having acknowledged being gay, my first stop was the only homosexual club I knew and that was Alfie's ... from there, it was no turning back and what followed was an 11-year odyssey of the Chicago nightlife and my personal journey as a gay man living in a time of outrageous hilarity and antics, yet monumental change ... .'
----------------------------------------
Dr. Steve Rempas …
'Met Dr. Steve after I was hired to bartend at Ozone. ... We became very good friends and I can tell you that Ozone was the wildest bar I had ever worked. The MAFIA Club would gather on our bar top every Friday night, and for a brief time Ozone was THE bar in Chicago.
'I'll never forget the night I really got to know Dr. Steve ... a couple of other bartendars from Ozone were off and having a drink at my bar. In the corner of my eye, I could see the upstairs of the bar being swarmed by the Chicago police department. Not wanting to be arrested, I asked the one off-employee, Les, to 'watch my bar for a sec' and then ran to the basement and hid in the basement ceiling while Les and everyone else working there were arrested. It was scary then, but so funny now, because I was hiding in the ceiling of the office basement and the police were there below me allowing Larry to count the bar's receipts for the night and put them in the safe and I can remember the police saying they were missing one bartendar, but couldn't find him. So I whispered down to Larry, 'Larry, it's me Bart, I'm in the ceiling' and he said 'Stay there.' So I did, for what seemed like an hour.
'The police had left, the bar was locked and I was locked inside, so I called the owner, Dr. Steve, and told him my plight and he drove down and unlocked the bar and got me home. Les, however, didn't think my switch-a-roo was too funny as he ended up spending the night in jail. It was shortly thereafter that Dr. Steve was going to open this bar up north, The Loading Dock, and asked if I would be interested in managing there. ... It was a wonderful experience and I thank Dr. Steve for allowing me to be part of his bar family as well as personal family and entrusting me with three of his businesses, the Men's Room, Halsted's and my favorite, The Loading Dock.
'While Dr. Steve didn't always appeal to other bar owners/staff, for unknown reasons to this day, he always treated me with respect and friendship, and I consider Dr. Steve a close friend to this day. The Black and Gold parties, Weenie Week, our respective annual birthday bashes, and numerous bar crawls to Rod's in Madison were just some of the events that made every Dr. Steve location the place to party/cruise. It culminated in my receiving the Gay Chicago Manager of the Year award in 1986. And it was Dr Steve that made the recognition possible.'
----------------------------------------
If you have memories to share, contact Sukie de la Croix at Windy City Times. You can leave a message on his voicemail at (773) 871-7610. He collects memories and interviews over the phone, in person, or via e-mail sukie@windycitymediagroup.com
