Given the fact that LGBT parents and their children are often mistreated in a school setting, how do LGBT families go about choosing a school with a proven track record, or make the most out of the school their child currently attends?
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Pictured: Openly gay Jones College Prep High School Principal Don Fraynd. Photo by Andrew Davis
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Many LGBT parents don't know where to start when it comes to finding a school or working to make their child's school a better place for the entire family. Knowing where to begin and what resources are available to both parents and students is crucial given the light a recent study has shed on the issue.
A report released by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network ( GLSEN ) , Family Equality Council and COLAGE in February found that although LGBT parents are more involved in their children's education ( more likely to attend parent-teacher conferences and volunteer ) , they are also more likely to feel excluded and ignored because the school community doesn't accept them.
In the study, over half of parents said they felt excluded or prevented from participating in their child's education. Over a quarter reported mistreatment from fellow parents.
In addition, the report showed that children of LGBT parents are often harassed because their parents are LGBT. Key findings from the study show that almost one-fourth of students that have LGBT parents feel unsafe at school. Forty-two percent said they had been verbally harassed because their parents are LGBT. They also reported being harassed because of their actual or perceived sexual orientation and their gender expression. One-tenth of the students reported being physically attached each year.
'Many schools are not safe for students of LGBT parents,' said COLAGE executive director Beth Teper.
Nearly one-fourth of students also reported that a teacher, principal or school staff person discouraged them from talking about their family at school. Roughly 28 percent said that a teacher or school staff person had made negative comments about LGBT families.
Despite these statistics, there are many ways for parents and children to make schools a safer and more welcoming place.
Being proactive
If your child must attend the neighborhood school, and you don't really have a choice is where your child goes, there are a number of things parents can do to ensure the school is a welcoming place for LGBT parents and their children.
'You absolutely have to put yourself out there to open up the lines of communication,' said Illinois Safe Schools Alliance ( The Alliance ) Executive Director Shannon Sullivan. Often, that means the parents have to put a lot of work into this, setting up meetings with the principal; and teachers, sharing their stories and concerns; and asking lots of questions.
However, don't let the first time being involved be when there is a problem, openly gay Jones College Prep High School Principal Don Fraynd ( pictured, photo by Andrew Davis ) suggested. He suggests working on building positive relationships first.
'If you want to be truly engaged in a school, that's what you have to do first,' Fraynd said.
'Once people know them, then push on some things that might be problematic,' Fraynd said, adding that if the issue is serious, such as bullying or violence, parents must contact the school's dean and principal right away and be proactive in following up on the situation. If the issue at hand is subtle, relationship-building is the first step.
Other suggestions include helping out at the Parent-Teacher Organization ( PTO ) ; getting to know the school counselors; appearing at the local school council meetings; and forming relationships and making connections.
Fraynd knows first-hand how awkward putting yourself out there for the first time can feel. 'But don't be sheepish or embarrassed,' Fraynd said. 'That normalizes it in the school.'
Fraynd said that when he was first hired, the school threw a reception for him. He considered not bringing his partner, but got over his fears and brought him anyway. 'You have to do it, you have to normalize it,' he said. 'You just do it because it makes things better.'
Keeping the lines of communication open with your children is also crucial.
Chances are a child has already been teased or bullied, so coach your kids on how to handle the situation, Fraynd suggested. 'Try to build them up.'
'Help your kids to stand up for themselves, but not become bitter about the world,' he added.
According to Teper, because of the discrimination LGBT people continue to face, kids are often reticent to talk about any mistreatment they've endured at school. Let the children know you are open to discussion.
'Parents do have an important role in helping determine if a school is accessible and what the environment is going to be like for children, especially of younger ages,' Teper said. 'But at the same time, youth are the only ones who can truly asses what an environment is like when it comes to how comfortable they are being out about their family, and the overall climate of the bullying.'
Know a school's policies and legal obligations
When it comes to a child's school, knowledge is power. Parents should ask what a school's policies are revolving around LGBT and gender identity issues; training for teachers and staff; and more. For example, Chicago Public Schools ( CPS ) has a non-discrimination policy in place that includes sexual orientation, although very few people know about it.
'I think they need to know that the policy, as well as common sense and dignity, back up the idea that schools need to be safe for all kids,' Fraynd said. 'To the extent of which it's lived out every day is a different thing, though,' he warned.
Although higher-ups in the Chicago public school system advocate to keep LGBT issues on the radar—CPS CEO Arne Duncan, following the brutal February murder of openly gay California student Lawrence King, sent out a reminder to all school principals that CPS must continue to uphold its policy—that doesn't mean that all schools are with the program.
'People ought to feel very free to go in and challenge their local school and kind of hold us accountable for our own general non-discrimination policy,' Fraynd said.
According to Sullivan, sometimes school administrations fear a backlash from conservative parents, and believe that they will get in trouble for taking a stand. The school might not be aware of its legal obligations, or what protections it has.
'Part of it is being proactive and saying, 'This is what you're legally obligated to do, and in fact, you can get sued if you don't do this!',' Sullivan said, adding that parents should have the knowledge to help a school know what its obligations are and to be prepared just in case a backlash occurs.
'Assume first that they just don't know, rather than assuming they are awful people,' Fraynd said. Share your story, bring in materials and put a face to the issue.
Tools and resources
In addition to knowing a school's policies and legal obligations, parents also need to be informed about what schools can do, such as films and educational materials out there that can be accessed and used. According to Sullivan, most schools aren't already doing this, so parents need to take an active role.
Many times, local organizations such as The Alliance or the Chicago chapter of COLAGE can help parents find the resources and tools needed. Many Web sites, such as www.colage.org, have materials that parents and students can access to help increase LGBT visibility in elementary, middle and high schools.
Family Equality Council has a resource called Rainbow Report Card, which provides custom recommendations for parents on how they can go about making changes at their child's school. See www.familyequality.org/reportcard.
Not only should parents be proactive, but their children can be, as well.
There are many resources available for students on how to make their school a more welcoming space. COLAGE offers a poster series, among other tools, that students can access.
Network
If parents can choose what school their child attends, networking is key.
'What I've heard from people is that they just talk to other parents,' Sullivan said.
Teper said to contact local organizations and parent organizations. 'That's usually the best place to start,' Teper said.
As an alternative, parents can set up a meeting with the school principal and ask all the questions necessary to make an informed decision. Topics include the school's policies and procedures regarding sexual orientation and gender identity; what materials can be accessed; what student activities are available ( such as a gay-straight alliance ) and to what extent LGBT issues are taught in the curriculum.
Most importantly, experts suggest that parents be open and honest about the family situation and what they need out of the school to ensure it's a good place for their children.
'Even if they aren't terribly proactive, they might be willing to do it,' Sullivan said. 'It takes time, effort and diligence, but the more proactive you can be, the better experience you're going to have.'
Some resources to check out:
—www.glsen.org
—www.familyequality.org
—www.colage.org
—www.colage.org/chicago
—www.illinoissafeschools.org
—www.gsanetwork.org
—www.lambdalegal.org
—www.aclu-il.org
