By Morgan McDevitt
[ Editor's note: The names of the elders in this piece have been changed. ]
Tears began to swell in the corners of Phillip's bloodshot eyes as he recalled the day his lover of 30 some years passed away.
'After my lover died, I had to get out,' Phillip, 71, uttered through his thick French accent.
Phillip is one of many Chicago elders that have sought companionship in the face of isolation and depression through the help of SAGE ( Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders ) , a program that provides social interaction, education and security for LGBT elders, ages 45 and older.
The SAGE program operates out of the Center on Halsted and gained its affiliation from the nationally recognized organization founded in New York. It is estimated that there are more than 40,000 LGBT elders aged 55 and older in the Chicago area alone, according to a survey taken by the Chicago Task Force on LGBT Aging published in 2003.
SAGE offers 'Coffee and Conversation' every Tuesday from noon to 3:00 p.m. as an opportunity for people like Phillip to share stories with people that have gone through similar experiences.
This past Tuesday was Phillip's first time attending a SAGE event, and as hard as it might have been for him to step outside the comfort of his own home and share his pain with total strangers, it remains impossible for him and others to share their last names with publications such as this. To them, their stories are worth sharing, but their last names are not. In their minds, any association with this group has the power to undue a lifetime's worth of respect.
Part of Worthington's job at SAGE is gathering information about the elders for state and federal funding. If attendance is high, than the funding is more likely to continue or increase. One of Worthington's biggest challenges with this particular community is the lack of information they're willing to give, even when they're told it could help them. Although she doesn't ask for any personal information, many of them hesitate to give their full names and age.
'Some members are guarded and wary for good reason,' said Worthington.
Each week Worthington creates a safe environment, in hopes of easing the paranoia and fear, with social time and educational speakers to inform the elders on issues that may affect them financially or emotionally.
Michael, 47, left 'Coffee and Conversation' to join a small group of about 6-8 that gathered to discuss their experiences with coming out at such a late age in a new seminar called 'Coming Out, Coming Home'.
'I came out last January, and even though I knew I was gay for a very long time, I was denying it, even to myself,' said Michael.
Jerry Smith, 64, came out in September 2006 at the age of 62. Smith admitted, first to his son-in-law, then his daughter and then to his wife of 34 years, that he was gay.
'I grew up in the '50s and '60s in a small Midwestern town in central Illinois. It simply wasn't accepted, so I denied it and convinced myself I could be a heterosexual,' said Smith.
Smith is now retired from the military. He spent 20 years in the air force and admits he 'would've been booted' for being open about his sexuality. A dishonorable discharge from the military would've followed him the rest of his life, making it nearly impossible to get a job and raise a family.
'There came a time when I said to myself, 'I'm tired of living a lie'. I want to live out the rest of my years truthfully and without fear,' said Smith.
For Michael and Jerry Smith, coming out to their families was one of the hardest and most honorable things they had ever done.
Sam, 67, who requested his last name remain anonymous as well, recently attended a seminar that introduced him to the Five Wishes document. This document gave Sam the power to choose which family member he wanted to be responsible for making his healthcare decisions if he can't make them for himself. Sam asked his nephew to assume responsibility and, with the help of SAGE, Sam's future will legally be as he wishes.
'I think a lot of financial and psychological issues, including increased depression and isolation, are altered from not being able to inherit end of life care,' said Worthington.
Aside from being the program director of SAGE, Worthington is also on a task force [ The Chicago Task Force on LGBT Aging ] that is creating training programs for staff and front-line managers of nursing homes. It was Worthington's previous work experience with long-term care for elders that sparked her interest in the LGBT elderly community.
'Over the course of my time there [ long-term care facility ] , there were maybe 5-10 people that I knew to be gay, and there were probably more. I was looking at those people and multiplying the numbers and thinking, there's this many people here, multiplied by the number of long-term care facilities in this area, then the state. I couldn't imagine anything more alienating than not being able to be who I am at the end of my life. And that's why this is my cause,' said Worthington.
The Center on Halsted located in East Lakeview is home to SAGE and a program for the LGBT youth. The Center consists of 55,000 square feet including a regulation-size basketball court, black-box theater, a community technology center, office space, and the Mayor Richard M. Daley Roof Garden. Mayor Daley was an instrumental supporter of the Center project, said Worthington.
The Center on Halsted provides a space for the elders to congregate but does not provide assisted living space. Nevertheless, it is a step in the right direction leading towards Worthington's ultimate goal of affordable housing. Worthington would like to recreate what Los Angeles has already done with Triangle Square Apartments, the nation's first affordable housing development for LGBT elders. Although it was designed with LGBT elders in mind, it is not exclusive or discriminatory against elders who are not gay.
In the meantime, she gets a lot of support from mainstream providers and local retirement facilities that want to be known as welcoming places for LGBT elders. 'Many residents in the nursing homes are the same people who discriminated against LGBT elders when they were young. We have to change societies' views. This change comes from the micro level to the macro level,' said Worthington. Worthington is currently compiling resources for a directory that will allow these elders to choose a nursing home or assisted living facility that is non-discriminatory and fits their needs.
Columbia College Chicago English teacher Victoria Shannon implemented this change on the micro level by bringing Worthington to speak to her Gay and Lesbian Studies class about SAGE.
'I think it's important that young people understand that there's an entire generation of LGBT people who are now approaching a time in their lives when responsibility for their well being has to fall on the younger generation. It's payback and it's a responsibility that younger people should be honored to accept,' said Shannon.
As 3:30 p.m. rolled around, 'Coffee and Conversation' came to a close. The room cleared out, but two men remained, sipping their coffee, discussing a new gay theater troupe in town. Phillip was nowhere to be found. For these two men, 'Coffee and Conversation' had became a part of their weekly routine. For them, being able to speak their minds freely without the threat of discrimination or harm was something they knew they could count on through SAGE. Hopefully, Phillip found that same comfort and security at his first visit. Hopefully, he'll be back next Tuesday.
Gay Seniors Rely on Friends When Sick
LGB elders have 'a history of caregiving' that creates networks of people who support each other during their senior years, according to a questionnaire study of 199 LGB seniors. The news comes courtesy of a press release issued by the Rockway Institute, a national center for LGBT research and public policy.
The study found that more than two-thirds of the participants had provided care to one or more people during the previous five years. The results were published in the Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services.
Chicago Prime Timers:
For Gay/Bi Elders
Older gay and bisexual men can also turn to the Chicago Prime Timers, a social organization that celebrated its 30th anniversary last year. According to its Web site, the goal of the group 'is to is to provide mature gay and bisexual men, and their admirers, with opportunities to come together in a supportive atmosphere to enjoy social, educational, and recreational activities.'
Social activities revolve many holidays and special events such as Academy Awards night. Membership is $30 annually and $50 for couples residing in the same household and receiving a single newsletter. Call 312-409-1590 or visit www.primetimersww.org .
