Here I am … I apologize for my absence. Apparently, there were a few lessons that the Universe deemed important enough for me to give my full attention to. I have learned through experience not to ask why, but instead … why not?!?!?
I'd like to share with you where my heart and spirit have been over the past several months regarding the subject matter of my writings. As you very well know, my columns often center on personal growth while sharing my spirit and my life with you. This has been my practice over the past six years and it will continue. First, I'd like to thank you for your patience and for your e-mails concerning the missing articles. You have no idea how beneficial they were in the lifting me out of my writers' block as well as my decision to continue to write for you.
So what has been going on in my life? Well let's see, there's growth, awareness, understanding, the life-altering assessment of turning 40, etc. I've decided that this year's writings would focus on someone that we often tend to overlook … the lost child within. It has come to my attention that we often go through life unknowingly being guided by the lost child that is within us.
All too often we make decisions about life, our various connections to others, jobs, choice of cars, etc., based on the lost child within in attempts to soothe our wounded souls. We react to people and situations with the temper tantrums of children while swearing the entire time that we are mature adults. Is it intentional? I would have to say no. Is it wrong? Again, no, it's not. It is just something that we continue to do until we become aware that there is a lost child within and identify the role that they have played in our lives.
So how does one find out if there is a lost child within? Here's a suggestion: The next time you have a negative reaction to words or actions, take a moment to determine where it's coming from. Does the situation warrant such a strong reaction? Are your feelings based on this incident or do they bring back feelings from a time in your childhood?
As a child, when things happened to us that we were not fully able to manage, we created defense tactics. We created ways in which we could protect ourselves from experiencing that hurt. Some of these defense mechanisms include: a very sarcastic demeanor—I'll cut you with words before you can cut me; a victim mentality—I knew you would do this/that … because this always happens to me; and placing a barrier over your heart—I'll only let you in so far so I do not become vulnerable.
These defense mechanisms served us well as little children; however, as adults they inhibit us from experiencing and living life to the fullest by not being completely in touch with our truth. We know we have 'issues' but dare not face them. As a result, these defense mechanisms serve as barriers to true intimacy with ourselves and others. They protect us from the very thing we need to connect with if what we want is to live a life based in spirituality … our own spirit. Trust me when I tell you that it is not an easy thing to do. Facing your truth, acknowledging it and becoming different is a task that only a FOOL would undertake. And I have knowingly become that fool.
I told the Universe that I was ready to see my truth and then live from that truth; that I was ready to embark upon the true destiny of my life and that I was willing to go through whatever tests, muddy waters and transformations I needed to. As you've read from me before, that was like stating to my God, 'Hey, I think I want you to test me like you did Job; apparently I haven't experienced enough trials in my 40 years! Hit me with your best shot!'
During the reconstruction period, I experienced a loss of energy; lost 10 pounds; suffered migraines and sleepless nights; and had to face demons of my own as well as those around me … but you know what? I'm more in touch with my spirit than I ever have been. Just when I thought I knew myself, I discover more. And believe me when I tell you there are parts of me that I wish I could have left hiding under a rock. LOL!
Then there is that side of me—the girl inside of me—that I have now come to know, acknowledge, honor and protect as though she was one of my very own children. I now know that it is only through healing her and developing a true and honest relationship with her that I can be completely whole. If and when you are ready, take a good look at yourself. Can you identify a lost child within your spirit? What would it take for you to nurture her into wholeness? What would you have to change?
Until next month …