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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1577 times since Wed Jul 27, 2005
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In my last column I discussed my general dislike of airports. This week's Pretzel Logic is a look at the trip Steve and I took to Las Vegas when we went out there for his relative's 80th birthday party.

I Think It Was Soap

The soap dispensers in the men's bathroom at the Las Vegas airport are made out of a long curved tube with a rounded end, and when you hold your hands under it a sensor automatically spurts out the thick, creamy, white liquid soap into your hands, and getting my hands clean never made me feel so dirty.

You And The Horse You Rode In On

Steve is the 'Steve' I wrote about last fall who signed the long waiver at the horse rental place and then his horse kept ramming Steve's leg into trees. At the Alamo desk in the Las Vegas airport Steve had to sign this really long contract to rent his car, and maybe it was because he didn't get the collision damage waiver, but he just didn't find it too funny when I observed that the process of renting a car seemed a lot like renting a horse.

Upside Down Indian

At Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area, we stopped to look at some Indian petroglyphs and pictographs, and we noticed that one of the photos in the informational display was upside down.

Bang That Tom-Tom

The petroglyphs we saw included at least one rock carving of a stylized penis and scrotum.

The Four-Wing Swings Both Ways

According to the Red Rock Canyon Nature Guide that Steve bought for me, the four-wing saltbush is a 'stiffly branched shrub,' and that individual plants of the species 'are either male or female and may switch sex according to needs.'

The Bad News Is It Was All Good News

Steve's family went out of their way to make me feel welcome and comfortable, and where the hell is the humor in that?

Excuse Me, But Do You Have An Empty Fitting Room We Could Use For 15 Minutes? Could You make That 30?

One of the last things we did in Las Vegas was to go shopping at Shepler's Western Wear, where Steve bought himself a very nice straw cowboy hat that looked really sexy on him. Really, really sexy.

When Car Rental Drives You Mental

As a relatively frequent flyer, Steve refused to agree with me that airports were overly big, user-unfriendly, inherently hostile places that are designed to aggravate and annoy. But when we tried to return the Alamo rental car at the Las Vegas airport and we had to deal with extremely poor and confusing directional signs, one or two near accidents as we tried to follow the confusing signs, and a good 15 minutes of trying to figure out how to get to the car return area, Steve finally admitted the whole thing was becoming annoying, and I claimed that young Stevewalker was finally coming around to the 'Dave Side' in his view of airports.

A Good Bet On Better Shopping?

Although Steve had lost $20 and I had lost $22 at the hotel casino's slot machines, while we were waiting at the airport we decided to bet another $10 each ( 'hey, big spenders...' ) . Steve lost all of his final $10, but after building mine up to $16, I decided to quit at $15.50 since that way I recouped some of my losses. When I told Steve that I came out a bit ahead he jokingly replied 'Well, at least I shopped better.'

'Better' Is In The Eye Of The Boot Holder

I reminded Steve that he had bought me the nature guide on Saturday, that at Shepler's he let me use a 50% off coupon he had received with his purchase, AND that he also bought me a red Frankoma cowboy boot I saw at an antique shop so he could give it to me later as a birthday present.

I Felt So Flattered

On the flight back to Chicago the flight attendant did pass out free mini bags of pretzels.

If you have any hot four-wing saltbush videos, e-mail me at and tell me all about them.

This article shared 1577 times since Wed Jul 27, 2005
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