IML 2005 is over ( sigh ) , but its memory ( like the hundreds of cases of newly-acquired STDs ) lingers on.
Sights Seen At IML - Part One
Both at the Leather Mart and at Charlie's on IML weekend, people came up to my boyfriend Steve and me and asked if he was the guy I have been writing about.
Sight Seen At IML - Part Two
I wore a very loud 'space cowboy' Western shirt to the IML Leather Mart on Saturday, featuring the planets of the solar system in bright neon colors. Steve and I were walking down Wacker Drive to my car, and as two leathered-up gay guys passed us one yelled out: 'I can see Uranus.'
Given all the goings on at the Hyatt during IML, maybe they should have changed the name of the street to 'Whacker' Drive.
Sights Seen At IML That I Can't Say Anything About
All the devices Steve tried out at the Leather Mart, but which I can't talk about in detail here because Steve is out of town as I write this, and I am not going to publish a column that touches on THAT subject without his OK first.
Did I Mention Steve Was Out Of Town?
T-shirt seen for sale at the IML Leather Mart: 'My Boyfriend Is Out Of Town.'
But If They Want To Make Those Vicious Rumors Come True, My E-Mail's At The Bottom Of This Column
The nice people at Acme Toy Company were some of the people who recognized Steve and me, and I mention this solely because they were the first people to ever e-mail me about this column when I first began writing it, and NOT because of those vicious rumors that they promised to give me tons of free merchandise in return for this blatant bit of gratuitous product placement.
Sights Not Seen At IML That We Should Have Seen - Part One
Human-waste-dumping pop musician Dave Matthews with a brown hankie in his back left pocket.
Location, Location, Location
Given that the Hyatt is so close to the Chicago River, had Mr. Matthews been there he wouldn't have had far to go in case he needed to relieve himself.
Sights Not Seen At IML That We Should Have Seen - Part Two
Gov. Rod 'Testicular Virility' Blagojevich and Ald. Dick 'Dickhead' Mell whipping each other.
People For The Ethical Treatment Of Artichokes?
T-shirt seen on some guy at the IML Leather Mart: 'Save A Plant, Eat A Vegetarian.'
Sights Not Seen At IML That We Should Have Seen - Part Three
Leather Abu Ghraib prisoner outfits.
Sights Not Seen At IML That We Should Have Seen - Part Four
U.S. Army recruiting booth.
Sight Seen At The IML Leather Mart That I Wish I Had Not Seen
A self-inserting electronic butt plug that delivered small electric shocks to the anal sphincter which would cause the sphincter to contract, thereby forcing the butt plug deeper all by itself.
Sight Almost Certainly Seen At The IML Leather Mart, 'Butt' We Just Didn't Know It
Closeted, conservative, married-to-a-woman, gay Republicans trying out the self-inserting electronic butt plug.
If you are the owner of one of our city's valued gay-owned business, I can't give you a free mention here in return for tons of free stuff ( wink, wink ) , but I'd still love to hear from you at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com
If you are a closeted, conservative, married-to-a-woman, gay Republican who tried out the self-inserting electronic butt plug at the IML Leather Mart, you can e-mail me at GetYourFuckingLoserAssToLittleJims@LeaveMeAlone.com