This installment of Pretzel Logic includes lively gay athletes, dead diet dudes, a little horsing around (and no, that's not a repeat reference to the gay athletes), and more!
Let The Games Begin – Part One
Chicago has been chosen to host the Gay Games in 2006. The only games where the wrestlers do their best to have their own shoulders pinned to the mat.
I Hope They Used Low-Carb Embalming Fluid
When Dr. Robert Atkins died last April, at 6 feet tall and weighing 200lbs., the diet deity was considered obese. (OK, I should have used this one a earlier, but better "late" than never.)
Just In Time For All Those Lesbian Weddings
Home Depot has just begun offering an online gift registry.
Let the Games Begin – Part Two
Chicago has been chosen to host the Gay Games in 2006. The only games where nobody scratches their own jock itch.
Is That because They Just Made Them All Up In The First Place?
Actual recent news item: "CIA Director George Tenet denied … allegations that the Bush Administration
misrepresented facts about Iraq's weapons programs to make a case for war."
Paris Hilton was hospitalized after being thrown from a horse during a taping of her show, "The Simple Life 2." So far the score is: Horse 1, Dumb Animal 0.
What Would Paris Hilton Do?
A Belgian company is getting ready to open a slaughterhouse in Dekalb for the processing of horse meat to be sold in Europe, but opponents are trying to pass a law to ban the killing of horses in Illinois for human consumption.
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
Britney Spears had to cancel her show at the Allstate Arena in Rosemont after she hurt her knee during a show in Moline. I know a great place in Dekalb she can go for treatment – if she hurries before that law gets passed.
Let the Games Begin – Part Three
Chicago has been chosen to host the Gay Games in 2006. Where the real games all occur off the field and in the locker rooms.
Obviously He's Never Rented "Oklahomo"
Heath Ledger is going to star in a new major Hollywood movie called "Brokeback Mountain" which is about a gay cowboy and the male ranch hand he is in love with. Ledger is quoted as saying: "Yet, it's a pure love story. It's also unique and original. I'm glad to be part of a Western that's one you've never seen before."
The Impassioned For The Christ
Some Christian evangelists are going to South Beach and other spring break locations to preach the Gospel to young, drunk kids who are partying their asses off. According to news reports, when one guy walked all over a religious-themed sand sculpture, "he was quickly pulled down and beaten up by angry onlookers." That would be onlookers who don't seem to be quite getting the message.
I Bet They Won't Allow Scenes From "Oklahomo"
A place in New York City has started a "movieoke" night where people act out scenes from movies while the film clip plays on a screen behind them.
If you have ever rented "Oklahomo" you can e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com
If You are Paris Hilton, sorry, you are too dumb to use e-mail.