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Windy City Times 2023-12-13



Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 2411 times since Wed Feb 26, 2003
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Remember that old Marx Brothers' film Duck Soup, with Groucho as the bizarre head of Freedonia, leading his country into a pointless war against the evil nation of Sylvania? For some odd reason I keep thinking about it, so that must mean that it's time for Operation Desert Pretzel.

It's A Wrap

Forget trying to survive a terrorist chemical or biological attack by using duct tape and plastic sheeting to seal up your house. Instead, prevent war by wrapping up George W. Bush in plastic wrap from the top of his pointy head to the toes of his pointy boots, secure him with duct tape, and lock him away in a Cold War-era bomb shelter somewhere deep in the heart of Texas.

Name Dropper

Does the 'W' in Dubya's name stand for 'Warmonger'?

Hand Jobs Before Hand Grenades?

The Andrology Laboratory of the University of Illinois at Chicago is allowing soldiers going to the Persian Gulf to store their frozen sperm as a precaution in case they should be exposed to chemical or biological weapons. The UIC is waiving the $200 annual storage fee, but they are charging the soldiers a $100 'processing fee.' Do you suppose that $100 processing fee includes ... ?

Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Part One

George W. Bush says that Iraq is showing contempt for the UN by refusing to fully cooperate with arms inspectors. Meanwhile, George Bush is willing to invade Iraq even without obtaining UN support for starting WW III ... oops, make that 'UN support for a second Gulf War.' That George, he sure knows how to pay his respects.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Part Two

And speaking of 'paying' respect, according to a Feb. 1, 2003 story in the Salt Lake (Utah) Tribune, the United States is about $800 million in arrears to the UN in back membership dues. Meanwhile, that bad, mean, evil and nasty Saddam Hussein is continuing to show his war-justifying contempt of the UN.


According to a recent story in the Globe and Mail (Toronto), the UN's headquarters are falling apart, with: a leaky roof, lights that flicker on and off, an air conditioning system that hardly works, a 50-year-old ventilation ducts that are 'vulnerable to biological or chemical attacks,' dark, musty, mildew-stained hallways, bad elevators, and an 'antiquated electrical system creates electromagnetic fields that play havoc with computers and leaves many members fretting about possible health hazards.' And if that was not bad enough, the building does not meet current fire and earthquake codes, it was built with materials containing PCBs and asbestos, and the air conditioning is turned off at night to save money. The article also mentioned that the United States is the UN's biggest deadbeat member, and has not paid any of its 2003 membership dues. Meanwhile, Saddam Hussein is not respecting the UN.

Gimme That Old-Time Religion

There is a copy of the Quran in Iraq written entirely with ink made with Saddam Hussein's blood, and it sits in the Mother Of All Battles mosque in Baghdad. The mosque has minarets in the shape of scud missiles and AK-47 assault rifles.

If you too confuse George W. Bush with Rufus T. Firefly, e-mail me at and tell me about it.

This article shared 2411 times since Wed Feb 26, 2003
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