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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-03-12

This article shared 1658 times since Wed Mar 12, 2003
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I wasn't planning on a second Gulf War column, but just as GWII seems to be creeping closer and closer for no apparent reason, this week's column just developed in the same way.

Worley Bird-Brain

Country singer Darryl Worley has recorded a pro-GWII song in which he accuses those who are against the impending Gulf War of forgetting the horrors of September 11. The only problem is, he seems to have forgotten that the Gulf War has nothing to do with the Taliban and al-Qaeda, and everything to do with oil, George W. Bush's vendetta against Saddam Hussein.

What Me Worry?

In his war-mongering song, the worldly Mr. Worley asserts that, yes, the U.S. should in fact be spoiling for a fight. He also sings the line 'You tell me not to worry about bin Laden, have you forgotten?' Well, Mr. Worley, I don't know how to tell you this, but it would seem that George W. Bush has forgotten, since for months now he's been harping on and on about Saddam Hussein, and he's hardly said a word about good old Osama.

Gee, Dubya

It's beginning to look more and more as if the 'G. W.' in G. W. Bush stands for 'Gulf War.'

Let's Make A Deal

The U.S. government is hinting to certain impoverished African countries with seats on the U.N. Security Council that if they support the war against Iraq, the U.S. might send increased aid their way. Since this is no job for amateurs, what the U.S. needs to do is to send in former Governor, Secretary of State Official A, ... er, I mean 'George Ryan,' to do the job.

Do As I Say,

Don't Do As I Do

President Bush is trying to justify a second Gulf War by saying that this will help bring about a democratically elected government to Iraq. Given that Bush lost in the popular election, and only became President with the help of a friendly Supreme Court and the shenanigans of his brother Jeb 'Hanging Chad' Bush, you have to wonder if Georgie will next lead a war so we can have the same thing here.

----------------------------------------

That's One Bakin' Canadian

Carolyn Parrish, a member of Canada's Liberal Party, and a member of the Canadian Parliament, was recently quoted as saying that President Bush ' ... is ready to go (to war). He doesn't care. He is gunning for a fight. I think Bush is. I think he has got 150,000 troops over there, and I think he has got to do something with them.' She also added the pithy comment 'Damn Americans. Hate those bastards.' Well, it looks like she's kind of pissed at one of us in particular, and she really can't be blamed for that.

Gimme That Old-Time Religion

The traditional spot of the Garden of Eden is where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers meet, which is in southern Iraq. According to news reports, 'Every inch of grass in the biblical birthplace of mankind has been covered with chipped, concrete flagstone,' and the place is littered with trash. And on a wall at the site, there is spray-painted graffiti in Arabic that translates to 'Down with America.' God, what a bitch!

If you think it sounds like time to give the Garden of Eden a beauty makeover, e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com, 'and bring me a shrubbery.'


This article shared 1658 times since Wed Mar 12, 2003
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