About six months ago I wrote a column about the fact that I was dating a guy named Steve, and he's been mentioned a few times since. Well, things changed during the first week of October, and there is even a chance Steve and I might remain friends -- provided he doesn't read this week's Pretzel Logic look at breaking up.
Please Be Gentle
After Steve read the column I wrote six months ago when we first started dating he said: 'If we ever break up, somehow I think you won't be as gentle on me as you were with this one.'
Sign O' The Times
Maybe I should have realized something was up when, the day before the breakup I came home from work to encounter a couple of hundred small ants swarming near the back door of my house, having a yellow jacket decide to chow down on my neck a few minutes later, and then seeing the bird bath in my back yard filled with what looked like blood ( the birds in the area are eating lots of berries at the moment ) . Let's face it, experiencing a series of Biblical-like plagues is probably never a good sign when your boyfriend happens to be Jewish.
'Not Me, Apparently'
When I mentioned to one of my friends that Steve and I were no longer dating, he asked 'Well, what's up his butt?'
Single Again… And Just In Time!
The Saturday after the breakup I went on a hike of the Indiana Dunes with some friends and one of them said that when he went into the men's room at the beach house there was a guy in there wandering around the men's room with his pants down around his ankles.
Hey Lady, It's Not Like We're A Table Full Of Lesbians, OK?
After the hike at the dunes I went with my friends to a restaurant in Chesterton, IN, and at one point the waitress came rushing up to our table to see if any of us could name a player for the White Sox as she was apparently on hold for some radio contest or something. We all stammered a bit, and she said 'There are five guys at this table and you can't name one baseball player?'
Screw Kodak, This Is A Pretzel Logic Moment
After she left we all laughed about what happened, but one of my friends really turned red when I said 'You realize that this is a real column moment, don't you?'
Hey Kenny, if You Ain't Gettin' Any...
Country music singer Kenny Chesney's whirlwind marriage to Renee Zellweger ended not all that long ago, and I if the poor guy needs any consoling, I'm available now.
Kenny And Me And Chris Cagle Makes Three
Another country music cutie, Chris Cagle, posted a 'personal message' on his web site in early October stating that while he was happy about the recent birth of his daughter and that she and the mother were doing well, but that he was disappointed to also discover that the child was not his. Chris then said he wouldn't be making any further public comment about the matter. Regardless of the fact that virtually nobody would have heard about this soap opera had he not posted his message on his web site, if you need a shoulder to cry on Mr. Cagle, let me know.
Four On The Floor
I'd also like to take this opportunity to let my favorite country music man, Brad Paisley know that if his marriage to that sitcom actress starts turning into a soap opera of its own, he can feel free to join Kenny, Chris Cagle and me.
If you're Kenny, Chris, or Brad, feel free to e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com, and the sooner the better. Especially Brad.
If you are Steve, before you e-mail me please remember that a long time ago you gave me 'carte blanche' to write about pretty much any aspect of our relationship.
