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  NIGHTSPOTS

Peeks n' Tweaks
by Andrew Davis
2003-12-03

This article shared 1503 times since Wed Dec 3, 2003
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1) Governor Schwarzenegger, Part I: It's not true that his administration's motto is Faith, Grope, and Charity.

2) Governor Schwarzengger, Part II: I can't wait for Senators Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt to be in Congress.

3) Tupac Shakur: Seven years after his death, he's releasing a clothing line. The clothes come with an afterlife-time guarantee.

4) Siegfried & Roy: Siegfried said he believed that the tiger was trying to help Roy. To what? An early grave?

5) R. Kelly: He told Blender magazine that only Osama bin Laden knows what he's going through. Yeah, but when was the last time Osama went on tour?

6) Playboy: The magazine wants to spotlight the women of Wal-Mart. What about the women of Treasure Island, Jewel/Osco, and Moo & Oink?

7) Steve Bartman: If the Cubs fan ever wanted to know what it was like to be hunted like Saddam ...

8) Caught in a web: Two al-Qaeda militants were nabbed in an internet café in Pakistan. No doubt they were trying to find out the latest on Jen and Ben.

9) Don't ask, don't tell: The Navy doesn't want its new warship called Sea Blade because it sounds too gay. This is coming from a military branch that has a rear admiral?

10) Graphic design: I don't want to say that video games are too explicit, but I think my X-Box just got syphilis from one of them.

11) "Spell" bound: The sign at Water Tower Place states that its theaters are now closed to the "pubic" instead of the "public." That must depress the porn addicts.

12) Money matters: Forget the Benjamins. Considering our economy, it's definitely all about the Washingtons for most people.

13) Michael Vick: The Atlanta Falcons quarterback said that he has two weapons: his legs, arm, and brains. Better check that last one, Mike.

14) Amen: Apparently, God is making a comeback in Hollywood; but who's going to negotiate the contracts?

15) My heart can't go on: The Canadian media has called 12-year-old Aselin Debison the next Celine Dion. Honestly, I'm still not ready for this one.

16) Hint, hint: You might be eating too much fast food if your friends refer to you as Lord of the Onion Rings.

17) Terence Trent D'Arby: He toured Europe under the name Sananda Maitreya, which I guess is better than Hakuna Matata.

18) Doll face: About that George W. Bush doll; does it come with a Dick Cheney INaction figure?

19) Food for thought: There's a new brand of pudding called Squeeze & Go. Incidentally, that was Madonna's nickname in high school.

20) The Chicago Cubs: Congratulations on all of your accomplishments. Now people will expect you to get this far every year. Uh oh.

You've been a great audience. Send your comments to westelm406@yahoo.com .


This article shared 1503 times since Wed Dec 3, 2003
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