After attending a play at Redtwist Theater in Edgewater recently, Toni Weaver was surprised to find that her openly gay server at a nearby restaurant had never heard of PFLAG, otherwise known as Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
PFLAG might be best known in Chicago as an annual staple of the Pride parade for the 30 years and counting. However, in that time, the organization's presence in the greater Chicago area has grown, as have the ways it supports the relationships between openly LGBT individuals and their families and friends.
PFLAG now boasts 13 chapters in northern Illinois. (Only four existed in the area as of 2000.) These branches include Metro Chicago, Chicago South Side, Aurora/Fox Valley, Deerfield, DeKalb County, Hinsdale, Joliet, Kankakee, Oak Park, Palatine and Woodstock/McHenry County, as well as Chicago programs Parents of Transgender and Entre Familia.
To coordinate these chapters and provide more unified resources, the PFLAG Council of Northern Illinois was formed. Weaver—who has been involved since 2002, when her son came out—leads the Woodstock/McHenry County chapter and is the council's president.
The progress made with regards to LGBT acceptance in recent years might be considered a triumph for PFLAG, but as acceptance grows, so do two contradictory notions: there's a greater need for funds and resources to reach those people and a perception that PFLAG is less vital than it once was.
"The fact that people are much more accepting is a negative as far as maintaining our organization is concerned," said John Larson, PFLAG's Illinois state coordinator. "A lot of people feel like they come once and they don't need PFLAG anymore. We give them all they need in one meeting."
As such, the people PFLAG needs to reach are not currently the people it depends on to sustain it. The organization would like to be able to focus on extending that reach as it creates the biggest impact.
"Our more important work comes when we march in community parades," Weaver said. "That's where PFLAG is really powerful, when it's out in the community, not preaching to the choir."
Weaver said PFLAG's vocality and visibility throughout Illinois has improved the most over the years. The organization has been involved in all the major equality in the state and reacting to events impacting the LGBT community. Members wrote letters to Cardinal George, for example, after inflammatory comments back in December.
At the same time, Weaver recognized continuing to be seen and heard is one of the organization's biggest challenges.
"We have a need for greater publicity," she said. "We need to get the word out to parents that they have a place to go. Visibility is a huge issue and we don't have a big operating budget or the fundraising capability of Equality Illinois or LAMBDA."
Part of that comes with changing current misconceptions about PFLAG and the people who comprise it.
"I think people picture a bunch of parents gathered together crying in some church basement," Weaver said. "That's not who we are."
Also, depending on the chapter, a number of the people who attending PFLAG meetings are in fact openly LGBT—it's not strictly for straight friends and relatives.
At the same time, the reason PFLAG endures has to do with the resources it offers and the support it provides. The council runs a helpline as well as a website with direct email contact and links to helpful materials. Then there's the key: personal sharing, stories and advice at monthly chapter meetings.
Larson told Windy City Times that what he gets most from being involved with PFLAG is being able to impart the wisdom of his experience unto others. He found out his son was gay back in the late '80s, when the son was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer.
"I get most satisfaction out of being able to help people understand what homosexuality is and accepting it," Larson said.
Weaver says PFLAG will remain necessary so long as parents of LGBT individuals need that support.
"As long as there are mothers and fathers who struggle with their children's sexual orientation or gender identity there will be a need for PFLAG," she said. "As long as there are laws on the books discriminating against LGBT people, churches placing burdens of guilt on LGBT people, there will be a need for PFLAG. Who better than parents to fight for their children? Parents' voices are louder and clearer."
PFLAG has a couple major events in the coming months. In May, the council will host its annual Mother's Day fundraiser at Sidetrack. Then, on Wed.,, June 6, PFLAG National is hosting its second annual "PFLAG National Celebrates the Heartland" cocktail reception at the Center on Halsted.
For details on "PFLAG National Celebrates the Heartland," visit http://community.pflag.org/chicago.
For more information on the PFLAG Council of Northern Illinois, including resources and a list of chapters and meeting times, visit www.pflagillinois.org .
