Fifteen-year-old Molly Faulkner of Highland Park appears to be the perfect candidate for the United States Naval Academy. She's an avid athlete and a high honors student. She also has a giving heart, confidence and a strong, independent attitude.
But when she was invited to a United States Naval Academy admission information forum last month, the Faulkners took their response all the way to the White House.
The prestigious USNA probably didn't expect to get a letter from Larry and Pam Faulkner explaining why the academy will most likely delete Molly's name from its database. Molly is an out lesbian, and receives an abundance of love and support from her family and friends. Once the invitation arrived, the Faulkners sat down as a family and decided the truth must be told. After all, with a policy like 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' in place, the academy could offer very little for Molly.
'When I wanted to go there, I wanted to be a pilot of something, but it's not what I want to do anymore,' Molly said. 'There's not much there for me.'
Molly has been out since age 14, and is an active member of Highland Park High School's Gay-Straight Alliance. She is currently toying with the idea of attending law school.
'It doesn't make much sense,' Molly said of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.'
Although both Larry and Pam want their daughter to have options available to her, they didn't think the USNA was an appropriate avenue for her since she's come out.
In the Nov. 11 letter to the USNA, Pam wrote: 'We would not even broach the subject were it not for the knowledge that the very sense of integrity and dignity which would make her an excellent midshipman and officer also render her incapable of adhering to a policy which would require her to commit the offense of lying by omission.'
Both parents felt that a response was warranted. 'Obviously, they saw something in her that intrigued them and make them think that she would be an acceptable candidate to seek admission,' Pam said. 'And rather than simply—particularly in this time when people have many reasons for potentially dissuading their children from serving—we wanted to make it very clear that this was somebody who was willing and who would have been that exceptional candidate.
'And that it's their own choice that she is not acceptable to them, regardless of what they saw in her before. And I think it's a discussion that's time has come.'
The letter has been CC'd to President George W. Bush; Sens. John Warner, Carl Levin, Richard Durbin and Barack Obama; and Reps. Duncan Hunter, Ike Skelton and Mark Kirk. This is not to mention the heavy circulation their poignant response has gotten over the internet.
Although the Faulkners were pleased that Molly was invited, they responded: 'We regret, on your behalf, the loss of the contribution she and so many others like her could and would willingly make towards securing our common goals and doing so in a manner that would bring credit to the traditions of the service.'
If the Faulkners hadn't known that Molly was a lesbian, they would not have hesitated in allowing their daughter to attend the academy. They are, after all, a military family. Larry served in the Navy for 20 years, and Pam, Molly's stepmother, served for eight. Molly's oldest sister recently transitioned from active duty to reserve service with the Air Force after serving deployments in Qatar and Baghdad. Molly also has a younger sister and an older brother.
But when Molly expressed an interest in visiting USNA at age 12, Larry and Pam agreed to take her there, but had already been preparing for the idea that Molly was gay. In fact, both parents said that they've known since Molly was about 3 years old. They made sure to change the vocabulary used in their house as the children grew up to instill a sense of confidence in them and a respect for everyone. Larry and Pam said they both had the same response when she opened up to them: 'And?'
One thing the Faulkners want to make clear is that they didn't respond to establish an agenda for themselves or as a crusade to get Molly into the academy. 'We wanted to make it clear that they had lost a good candidate,' Pam said.
'Because at this point, Molly doesn't even really have a desire to go,' Larry said.
'It's so far beyond the realm of possibility,' Pam added. 'We believe it's no longer something that she could even consider.'
The Faulkners don't expect to receive a response from the USNA, the White House, or even Rep. Kirk. However, they have gotten 'gratifying' letters of support from previous service members who had kept their sexuality quiet or repressed while serving.
'One was actually from somebody whose daughter is gay,' Larry said. 'He was a '42 graduate from the Naval Academy.'
During their service in the Navy, Larry and Pam saw instances of 'witch hunts' for gay and lesbian servicemembers before 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' The policy was put into effect before Larry retired, and he said everyone in active duty thought it was a joke.
'The way most people interpreted it is they still aren't allowed in the military,' Larry said. 'Keep your mouth shut and we won't do a witch hunt, but we'll still be looking for you.'
'But you don't get to have a life,' Pam added.
Neither of them wanted that for Molly, and feel that the policy is archaic and discriminatory. 'There are so may people that have so many qualities to offer, and to exclude them on something that … is arbitrary is just pretty ridiculous,' Pam said.
