Kim Painter recalls the words she told same-sex couples looking to get married in Iowa in 2004, a professional approach that certainly conflicted with her personal stance on the matter.
About 50 couples arrived at the Johnson County office of the registrar, of which the openly gay Painter served as the registrar. The media also was present for this protest event.
"People wondered what I would do because I was in an unusual position [as] an openly lesbian elected official. It was a tough decision, and I was very tempted to issue the licenses as a form of protest—the same way Gavin Newsom did, as well as mayors in other cities," Painter said. "But I also knew that I was in a different place, and that the Iowa General Assembly would likely come back in a very hasty, reactive manner if they perceived that someone was using their political office to circumvent the law as it had existed and been interpreted up to that point.
"So I determined that I had to say, 'No.'"
She did, though, plan a ceremony-of-denial, even decorating an area for the occasion, she said.
To each couple, Painter said, "Under the advice of the Johnson Country attorney, and in accordance with Iowa law, I cannot provide you with the license to marry."
She is still emotional when reflecting back.
All were turned down.
Painter had arranged a room for the media and those couple to gather, "so they could tell their stories, to talk about why they wanted to get married, why it mattered," she said. "To this day, within the state of Iowa, that event, and those amazingly brave couples, created a whole change in the perception of LGBT couples and the concept of same-sex marriage in the state of Iowa.
"I think it was an amazing, wonderful thing to come up with that idea. It was a great event."
When Painter walked into that room, filled with media and the same couples she had rejected their marriage license request, she was given a standing ovation.
"It was a deeply moving moment," Painter said. "It was great for me to know that they understood the realities politically and legally of why I had to do what I did, and also that I provided an area for them to be celebrated, and then to give my own statement strongly in support of same-sex marriage.
"That was one of the most important things that has ever happened to me in my life."
Painter, 55, still the Johnson County Recorder, became the first openly gay person to win election to public office in Iowa. In 2007, she was selected by her peers to serve as president of the Iowa State Association of Counties. She also has chaired Iowa's Commission on the Status of Women.
This past May, Painter was among 10 openly LGBT elected or appointed officials honored as "Harvey Milk Champions of Change" at the White House in Washington, D.C., recognizing individuals for their commitment to equality and public service.
The 2013 honorees included Colorado state Sen. Pat Steadman, Redondo Beach ( Calif. ) mayor Michael A. Gin, and South Dakota state SEn. Angie Buhl O'Donnell, among others.
"I had always been passionately interested in politics," said Painter, who grew up in Geneseo, Ill., a small town on the western side of the state, with a dad who also was passionate about politics, she added. "I was always fascinated with events in Springfield, events in Chicago, including [political] scandals that long have seemed to be common in Illinois politics. And also the great work that gets done [through politics].
"So, I thought it would be a thrill to run for public office."
She was first elected in 1998, sworn in in January 1999.
She has won four elections.
"When I first ran for office, I had a good background in terms of skills, having worked with records, and moving from a paper world to an electronic world—and that was going to be very important in that office, because that change needed to happen. I also had peculiar baggage, because I had written opinions [in a newspaper column] that were very frank, and at times funny, moving and more, as people's personal opinion columns often are.
"I made the decision to run from an administrative role at the University of Iowa to the world of political office in 1998, and since, it's been quite a journey.
"When I first ran for [public] office, no one in the LGBT community would have anticipated actual legal marriage becoming an issue. Everyone [back then] was afraid to talk about it. A lot who were openly gay in political life were strongly urging others, [including] activist members to stay away from the issue because, as they said at the time, that's going to politically kill our allies and, thus, have a harder time with workplace protection issues, fair rental issues, etc.
"The use of the M-word was not encouraged in the community.
"When I first ran for office, I never would have imagined that I would be at the center of that issue, because I never thought that issue would emerge. But over time, it did, and that made this office, over time, a tremendously exciting and interesting place to be. That said, I love the day to day of the office as well."
Painter had been an administrator at the University of Iowa, working in the office of the registrar, with student records, requirements, graduation requirements, etc.
Same-sex marriage in Iowa became legal following a decision of the Iowa Supreme Court April 3, 2009. Marriage licenses became available about three weeks later, and between April 2009 and March 2010, more than 2,000 same-sex couples were married in Iowa, accounting for about 10 percent of total marriages conducted in the state during that period.
Only 815 couples were from Iowa; others came to Iowa from Illinois and elsewhere to say, "I do."
Painter said the marriage rush in 2009 was "absolutely wild."
Painter also was a personal part of the marriage blitz—she married Jessica Kardon in 2009 in a "beautiful event, a quiet, simple ceremony at our home," she said.
The two have been together for 17 years.
Painter said she has been intently watching the same-sex marriage debate in Illinois. "I'm just waiting for the vote to come," she said. "I think it's so good for a state to do this, for so many reasons. And once it is done, I honestly think people will breathe a huge sigh of relief."
