On a recent episode of this season's RuPaul's Drag Race, Korean contestant Kim Chi did a political commercial promoting herself and throwing shade at her opponent.
At one point, she appeals to her constituents: "Shady queens say, 'No fats, no fems and no Asians.' As all of the above, I feel your pain."
Right afterwards, RuPaul said the issues ring true. The very queens who publicly call for equal rights go on Grindr and spew "body shaming and racism."
Certainly hypocritical, but let's consider the situation. Apps and sites like Grindr are essentially digital bathhouses. Guys are thinking below the waist, with a primal fire drawing them to precisely what they need to feed that hunger. ( Did I just write porn? )
They're not on a hetero website. Above all else these men want men. But not just men, they want sexy men, men who rock them to the taint. Isn't it OK, in that environment, to express what they desire at their very core?
Everyone knows what is sexy, at least to mainstream, U.S. gays. Masculine, fit and Asian, well, let's just put us in the not-so-masculine bucket for a second.
Now, I'm the last one to buy jelly when I want peanut butter. Taco when I want steak. Pussy when I want dog. ( That's a nod to my country Filipino and Korean brothers. ) So why would I begrudge "shady queens" from body shaming or being racist on Grindr?
Well, simply put, it hurts.
If we believe being gay is biology, then we have to agree too that many of us come out of the womb fat, feminine or Asian—or like Kim Chi, all three. ( Can I get an Amen? ) On the other hand, we may also be genetically engineered to desire fit, masculine and not Asian men, but the point is that expressing body shaming and sexual racism is degrading and psychologically harmful.
I have some empirical evidence. We did an online survey recently of members of our Asians and Friends group. It's a social group for gay Asians and men who are interested in Asian cultures. ( Visit www.afchicago.org . ) Granted, the numbers responding were small—90 total with 26 being of Asian descent—but the results are still telling. Two thirds of the Asians who come to our gatherings want a "safe, social environment."
Flip the coin and to me, it's at least saying there's a hostile environment out there, something we need to take shelter from. But did we ask the right questions?
What if we asked, "Have you ever been told, 'I don't do Asians?'"
Or better yet, "Do you prefer sex with Caucasian men?"
One of the "Other, please explain" responses to our survey came back as "I want to date a Caucasian."
To that end, how many of us Asians, disguised by the anonymity of some of these digital hook-up sites, say we're white or worse, say we don't do Asians?
OK. I may be wrong, but for now, let's just say I'm at least tepid if not downright lukewarm. What do we need to do?
I've said having groups like Asians and Friends is a step. It might not be the complete answer, but I think as gay, Asian men, we need to ask ourselves not only why do white men not find us attractive, but why we don't even find ourselves attractive or preferred over white men?
When I look at Kim Chi, I'm reminded about when I wrote and produced a one-man show called, Semen Tree. It was about a tree that smelled like semen in Hawaii where I grew up. Anyway, my director asked me, who the main character ( me ) was talking to? Who was he trying to persuade?
I thought about it and I think my personal answer is the same as Kim Chi's. What we're really asking is: Why don't white men like me?
If that's the core of our internal pain, the source of all our angst and inner turmoil, then that's jacked up.
Think about it. If you ask that inner child who's balled up and rocking in the corner of your mind, "My sweet baby, why are you in such pain?"
She will look you in the eye and scream, "Because you beat me!"
So when I say to my gay, Asian brothers that we need to bond, I'm not asking us to sleep with each other. We're way too damaged for that.
I'm asking that we embrace ourselves.
Asians & Friends Chicago API Month fundraiser will be held Sunday, May 22 at Sidetrack. See www.afchicago.org .
Angel Abcede is a journalist, webisode producer and president of Asians & Friends Chicago. Email gamtvusa.angel@gmail.com .
