They celebrated their 10th anniversary July 26 and, not surprisingly, partners Tommy Starr and Brent Alwood were, in the months leading up to the milestone, casual, laid-back and relaxed about what it would entail.
Their jobs are their stress.
Starr and Alwood, who live together in Chicago's River West neighborhood with their three dogs (a Great Dane and two Chihuahuas), are each registered nurses—Starr, 29, for the past seven years; and Alwood, 27, for four years.
The catch is that Starr works at Rush University Medical Center while Alwood offers his knowledge and expertise at Loyola University Medical Center. Starr works 12-hour shifts starting at 7 p.m. Alwood has 12-hour shifts that start at 7 a.m.
There are times they may go three days without even seeing one another.
It's a good thing they can text-message, each said, laughing.
"It's nice to have found someone with the same career goals," Alwood said. "We certainly understand the stress each is going through at work. Plus, we've set our [career] goals and are now working toward them together."
Starr and Alwood are Peoria natives who moved to the Chicago area this past December. They met in high school, in Peoria, through mutual friends and, shortly thereafter, started dating.
"Being a nurse in the ICU is very stressful, arguably the highest stress job," we could have, Starr said. "I guess that's why I'm so laid back at home."
Away from the hospital, Starr enjoys spending time outdoors, especially working in his garden and sunbathing. Alwood enjoys shopping and reading. Both enjoy exploring Chicago's diverse neighborhoods. "Chicago has so much to offer," Alwood said.
At the hospital, life often is intense and emotional. Death is common in their world, too common at times. One example is a 19-year-old male, Alwood recalled. The teen, who died after being brought to the hospital following a car accident, truly impacted Alwood.
Starr, meanwhile, recalled the 21-year-old female who, for months, battled a serious, life-threatening strand of the flu. "Her condition just kept getting worse. That was crazy stress, with her and her family there," he said. "She was dying right in front of our eyes. Thankfully, she turned around, miraculously."
Starr and the woman are now friends on Facebook.
"It was so nice to see her recover," Starr said.
Sadly, that isn't always the case for patients they encounter. So, both have similar philosophies on life.
"Live life to the fullest because you never know what's going to be your last," Alwood said.
Starr added, "Enjoy every moment."
To that, they enjoy traveling together and do so often. Recent trips have included Key West and Hawaii.
"One of the reasons people want to become a nurse is to help the families, not just the patients. Kind of makes you stronger as a person," Alwood said. "I love my job. There are lots of opportunities, [particularly for] advancement here in Chicago," as opposed to Peoria.
Starr added, "Being a nurse is one of those jobs that you definitely have to enjoy, or you won't make it, especially with the stress. I know friends who went back to [working in] construction because [being a nurse] wasn't what they thought it would be."
Starr and Alwood don't lead the Grey's Anatomy life—for the most part, that is.
"Some of the situations [on the show] may be similar [to things we encounter], such as drama or car accidents, but that's about it," Alwood said.
Starr added: "[The TV show] glamorizes things. Plus, some of the treatments are different."
Starr and Alwood said they work alongside many gay nurses, yet not all males in the profession are gay. Instead, that's an exaggerated stereotype, Starr said. "Everyone just assumes when they see a male nurse [that he is gay.] But not true; for instance, I work with a married male nurse who has children."
Alwood is the laid back of the pair, while Starr admits he is more hot-headed, perhaps his Turkish background flaring up.
"But our differences balance us out," Alwood said.
Their similarities, though, certainly include an interest in spur of the moment activities. "We're not as detailed scheduling on our personal time. A lot of that has to do with the fact that we have to be so scheduled, so regimented at work. So on our days off, we'll get to things, eventually," Starr said.
