Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-08-31



MARRS ATTACKS! I'm Up on This Damn Float!
by Homer Marrs

This article shared 2032 times since Wed Jun 23, 2010
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Rah, rah, oh la-la-a!

Hey girl, ha-ay! Can you see me? I'm up on this damn float!

Want your bad ro-mance!

That's right, bitches. I'm up here in my skinny-tight tighty whites. You wish you had this body! Hello, Mr. Sun! I'm rollin' on so much E right now.

Gay Pride!

I'm one of 13 honored hot bods bumpin' and grindin' in the name of Pride on this charity float. You may think it's easy to do, but I just make it look easy. It takes a lot of concentration, energy and cheerfulness to throw beads at people. 'Cause we're not just throwing beads. We're advancing the cause.

Equality for all! OMG I think I hit that cop.

We put a lot of thought into our costumes today. Pride's not just some rag-tag affair you just show up in your PJs for. ( No offense to that float full of muscle studs in pajama pants. It's okay to wear 'em if you're on a float and they're two sizes too small. And you're not wearing a shirt. )

After much deliberation, our float came to the calculated decision to wear white square-cut boxer-briefs and your choice of hot black sunglasses or hot tranny mess face paint. Because this is isn't about looking good, it's about being united to spread the message-- the message that it's okay to be gay, to be skinny, and to be drunk like a 19-year-old who found some Purple Passion when it's only noon and you have to work a double tomorrow. Anyone who says otherwise can SUCK IT!!! Woo-hoo! My dick.

Shake your groove thang, shake your groove thang, yeah yeah!

Pride is my favorite day of the year, after Halloween, the Oscars and my birthday. I like holidays that are about giving—beads, candy, awards for best foreign film, and cupcakes laced with my girl Cyndy's Special K. What?! Oh yes I did.

Damn, I need some water. It's dehydratin' up in here. OK?

Ooh, that lesbian looks nasty. She must be from the 'burbs. Lord knows the one thing more dangerous at Pride than a swarm of Evangelist bees is a pack of mullet-cut lesbians in lawn chairs from Aurora. "Have some o' my beads, Aurora!"

She thinks I think her name is Aurora. Dumb dyke.

Love everybody! Gay Pride! Woo-hoo!

Boom, boom, pow!

Holy shit, it's the gigantic Jewel cart! I'm all about the gigantic Jewel cart. It looks just like a regular shopping cart, but it's gigantic. Woo-hoo! Gay rights!

Nothing says "support gay rights" like a shopping cart 400 times its size. I just hope some of them backwater Republican Nazis can see this on TV tonight. Republicans are so repulsive.

Look at my nipples, bitches!

Stop calling, stop calling, I don't want to think anymore.

Speaking of think, I think I'm running low on beads. That's good, though—means we're doing our best to advance equal rights, and it means we're getting close to the end of the line and COCKTAIL TIME! Holla! What's that, mister sexy-ass bartender? Yes, I do think I'll have a triple. If I can still remember my name by the time I leave here, I haven't properly shown how proud I am to be gay.

It's all about loving who you are, showering everyone around you with appreciation, and respecting yourself and the community. 'Cause if we don't have our respect, what do we have?

Damn, there's that lonely looking rich daddy I think I slept with that one time. I wonder if I can get him to buy my drinks again.

"Hey, handsome, you want some beads?"

Gay Pride!

Homer can be reached at .

This article shared 2032 times since Wed Jun 23, 2010
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

City asks Bloomington LGBTQ+ bar to remove Pride artwork 2022-09-25
- The city of Bloomington, Illinois has asked an LGBTQ+ bar to remove its Pride decorations, according to Central Illinois Proud. Last month, The Bistro, hosted its annual downtown Pridefest with at least 6,000 attendees from all ...

Gay News

BOOKS 2022 #BannedTogether virtual auction taking place Sept. 22-25 2022-09-22
- On Sept. 22-25, non-profit organization Pride and Less Prejudice (PLP) will hold its second annual #BannedTogether virtual auction to raise $10,000 to send 800 LGBTQ+-inclusive books to elementary schools across the United States and Canada. The ...

Gay News

WORLD Malta PM, Kenya official, Kharkiv Pride, sex-education campaign 2022-09-18
- Malta Prime Minister Robert Abela has promised reforms for the country's LGBTQ+ community, including free gender-affirming surgery for trans people, according to PinkNews. In an interview with ONE Radio, he said, "I believe that social reform ...

Gay News

THEATER PrideArts appoints new managing director, three new board members 2022-09-14
- The board of directors of PrideArts—the Uptown-based theater company focused on presenting queer stories on live stages and virtual platforms—announced the appointment of Amber Mandley (she/her/hers) as Managing Director, a ...

Gay News

NATIONAL Protests, Respect for Marriage Act, photographer, Fla. Democrat 2022-09-11
- The Inland Empire Pride festival in Riverside, California, was disrupted when far-right extremists demonstrated outside the event venue, The Advocate reported. Violent clashes erupted between protesters and those attending the ...

Gay News

Campus Pride releases 'absolute worst, most unsafe campuses for LGBTQ+ people' 2022-09-09
-- From a press release - CHARLOTTE, North Carolina — Campus Pride released The Worst List documenting the "Absolute Worst, Most Unsafe Campuses for LGBTQ+ Youth." The Worst List is an annual listing of colleges and universities that have chosen to openly ...

Gay News

Campus Pride unveils 'Best of the Best' colleges, universities for LGBTQ+ students 2022-08-24
- Campus Pride—a resource for LGBTQ+ leadership development, diversity inclusion and advocacy within higher education—announced the annual Best of the Best Colleges and Universities for LGBTQ+ students in the United States, recognizing ...

Gay News

NATIONAL: Conn. candidate, trans study, D.C. attacks, Palm Springs Pride 2022-08-14
- LGBTQ Victory Fund-endorsed candidate Erick Russell won the Democratic primary election for Connecticut state treasurer, according to an organizational press release. With this victory, he is on track to become the first out Black LGBTQ+ person ...

Gay News

NYC Black Pride to mark 25th anniversary with events 2022-08-10
- New York City Black Pride is returning this month—and celebrating its 25th anniversary—with a days-long slate of engaging events, including an awards ceremony, discussions and other activities, according to Gay ...

Gay News

Montreal Pride Parade is canceled 2022-08-08
- Citing security concerns, the organizers of the Fierte Montreal Pride Parade abruptly canceled the Aug. 7 event at the last minute, The Washington Blade reported. The other events scheduled at the Esplanade of the Olympic Park—T-Dance ...

Gay News

Pritzker visits UpRising Bakery and Cafe 2022-08-06
- On Aug. 5, Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker met with Corrina Sac, owner of Lake in the Hills business UpRising Bakery and Café, as well as leaders from Equality Illinois and Woodstock Pride and Illinois state Rep. ...

Gay News

LGBTQ+-inclusive program for seniors receives Aging Innovations Award 2022-08-02
- AgeOptions' Thrive with Pride program for LGBT+ older adults recently received a 2022 Aging Innovations Award, one of the highest honors presented by USAging to its members. USAging is the national association representing and supporting the ...

Gay News

WORLD Women's rugby, EU vs. Hungary, S. Korea festival, Berlin Pride 2022-07-24
- Trans women could be barred from playing women's rugby in England under new recommendations from the Rugby Football Union (RFU) that will be voted on soon, PinkNews reported. The move is a U-turn from the governing ...

Gay News

Local queer icon DJ's event 2022-07-23
- Darrell Gordon was the guest presenter for the Lunch Bunch at Third Space at Lakeview Presbyterian on June 1 and 30—the beginning and end of both Pride Month and Black Music Month. ...

Gay News

Pride in the Pews panel event covers the Black church and LGBTQ+ people 2022-07-13
- The Pride in the Pews event "'Don't Ask, Don't Tell': The Black Church and the LGBTQ+ Community" took place July 7 at First Presbyterian Church of Chicago, 6400 S. Kimbark Ave. Among other topics, the panel ...


Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.







About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.