My mother, who was a very wise woman, once told me, "You'll catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar." Her words rang in my ears as I participated in the Valentine's Day protest at Chicago's Holy Name Cathedral, an event organized by the Gay Liberation Network. The opportunity to publicly voice my dismay at the Roman Catholic Church's attitude toward my son's sexual orientation spurred me to take part and to encourage other members of the Woodstock/McHenry County PFLAG chapter and the Equality Club at McHenry County College to join the protest. However, the tenor of the demonstration caused all of us much discomfort and even embarrassment.
Two very different styles of protest were clearly visible. The first was an "in-your-face," confrontational approach, shouting at people entering the cathedral for worship. This vinegar will sour the very people whose hearts we are trying to change.
The alternate approach minced no words in calling the hierarchy to task for its role in promoting bigotry and homophobia, but it did so in a way that, hopefully, will cause reasonable people to question the Roman Catholic Church's position on homosexuality. We stood quietly, facing the street, holding signs reading "Celibacy is 'disordered,' not our gay kids"; "Oppression of gays is a mortal sin"; "Our Church is the #1 oppressor of our gay children and families"; and "My son is not intrinsically disordered."
Attack the institution, not the people. Use honey, not vinegar. We need those parishioners of Holy Name to vote with their pocketbooks, but first we have to educate them and win them over.
Good advice, Mom. Thanks!
Toni Weaver leads the Woodstock/McHenry County chapter of PFLAG, serves on the Northern Illinois PFLAG Council, and is one of the faculty advisers of the Equality Club at McHenry County College. An ardent supporter of gay rights, she was involved with the 2006 Gay Games in Crystal Lake and loves to march with PFLAG in both the Chicago Pride Parade and in the 4th of July Parade in Crystal Lake. She has a Masters Degree in Theology from Marquette University. She and her spouse of 40 years reside in McHenry and have three grown sons.
