When I was a tween I used to be a 'Yes, Ma'm' and 'Yes, Sir' type of person.
Not now though.
People took advantage of how polite I was and they still try and do that to this day. I am still very respectful, but only to those who deserve my respect and give it in return.
It is kind of mind boggling how someone can put up with things they swore they wouldn't put up with in a million years. I am not sure if this is what people call love. Saying yes when you mean no. Or saying no when you mean yes. It is all so confusing.
Why do you have to sacrifice and compromise just to prove you love someone?
People tell you that if you love them you would do as they say. That is not true. Saying I love you to your parents, partner, or pets should be enough, right? No one likes to hear the hideous word NO. You cannot go through life saying yes to everything and everybody. Sometimes it is necessary to say no to people even if it might hurt their feelings.
For example, your daughter has a music concert the same day and time as your grandmother's doctor appointment. You have to tell one of them you will not be able to make it. One of them will be upset but you cannot please everybody. Priorities come first and everybody's priorities are different. No one should judge you by decisions you make or how you prioritize things.
In this example, I would have to tell my grandmother to try and reschedule her appointment for a time and date I am free to take her. I will let her know my daughter has a concert and I wouldn't want to miss it. She would either understand and do as I suggested by rescheduling, go on her own or with someone else, and choose to be upset at me or not.
Someone else would probably do the opposite and take grandma to her appointment and tell the kid they can't make the concert. The kid would either be upset or understand. Sometimes everybody will be okay with the decisions you make and other times people will try and give you grief. It really doesn't matter what they have to say as long as you think you did the right thing and made the right choice.
There will be times you will want advice about some choices you're thinking about making or you just want people to flat-out give you a solution to a problem so you don't have to think about it. That is okay. You do not have to do everything on your own. There are some people In the world who actually want to help you do good things and make wise decisions. Listen to them if you think it would help you. Ultimately you're the one who will have the final say and actions to your choices. If you hear advice you like use it and if the people who are trying to help you do not completely give you the answers you are looking for, ask around. If you only liked certain things that person said, use them. It is OK to take bits and pieces from a person's advice and only utilize the things you think will be beneficial for you.
You are the captain of your own ship, so steer it in whatever direction you want it to go. If you happen to hit an iceberg along the way, that does not mean your ship has to sink like the Titanic. That just means you have to go patch up the hole and try going in a different direction next time. The next time you come close to that iceberg you will know how to swerve out the way. Then again maybe you will hit it again and you sink. As long as you have on a life jacket you will be OK. You will float to the top and probably have to start from scratch, but you will have learned how to manage your own boat and steer clear from as many icebergs as possible.
Breezy Connor is a homeless youth activist who helped coordinate the recent Windy City Times' LGBTQ Homeless Youth Summit. This is the first of a series of columns Breezi will be be contributing to Windy City Times.
