First we were gay. One of our first big organizations was the National Gay Task Force.
Later we became gay and lesbian. Some gay women wanted their own word to up their visibility. There used to be a lot of talk about 'lesbian invisibility.' This was well before Ellen, Rosie, Melissa and the gang.
Later bisexuals started feeling invisibilized, and we became gay, lesbian and bisexual, or GLB. Then the trannies got uppity and wanted their own letter, and we became GLBT.
Then lesbians demanded to be placed first in the alphabet soup, and we became LGBT.
Even though it's unpronounceable either way —GLBT or LGBT—that wasn't the end of it. Along came the queers and the questioning people, and we became LGBTQ.
Next it was intersexed folks (people born with ambiguous genitalia). And we became LGBTQI.
Then the indigenous folks (Indians) pointed out that their gay-ish folks are called two-spirited, and we became LGBTQITS.
And you know that's not the end of it. (And I'm probably forgetting a letter or two that already have been added in some circles.)
Unless you have been brainwashed beyond all hope, say it with me: This is political correctness run amok.
First off, it's just a matter of time before the bears get pissed off and demand another B. Ditto for the leathermen and a second L. If every conceivable subgroup of gays eventually gets its own letter, there will be no room left in gay newspapers for the news stories. The pages will just be filled up with our name.
I say enough is enough, and I'm asking you to join me. Just say no to the ever-lengthening unpronounceable acronym.
Black people are happy to be black. Latinos are happy to be Latinos or Hispanics. Asians are happy to be Asians. Can you imagine what would happen if they started subdividing themselves and adding a letter to an acronym to represent each nation they hail from? The Mexicans and El Salvadorans and Argentineans and Bolivians and on and on? MESABs? The Latino acronym alone would have over 30 letters. The black one even more.
Lesbians started this mess so lesbians should take the initiative to halt it. I'm not asking that any of these words be removed from our vocabulary or our newspapers. I'm merely asking that for the sake of news reporters, for the sake of politicians, for the sake of public speakers everywhere, we agree that LGBTQITS people can be collectively referred to as gay—or some other word as long as it's accurate and pronounceable and doesn't take 30 seconds to say and half a column of newsprint to publish, which is almost the case with lesbian/gay/ bisexual/transgender/queer/questioning/intersex/two-spirited.
You know (but are afraid to say out loud) that this trend has gone off the deep end—and that it's only going to get worse unless we intervene. Join me today.
Cruisers Kill Park
The phenomenon of men having sex with each other in the wooded areas of public parks is a worldwide reality. And it's not just parks, but train-station and university washrooms, out-of-the-way beaches and on and on.
Fun, boredom, thrill-seeking and closetry are some of the explanations for why men do it. It is, of course, harmless as long as people who don't want to watch it don't have to. (And as long as you keep your willy away from the poison ivy.)
But one place were sex in the woods is definitely not cool is Montgomery County, Texas, north of Houston. The Texas Forest Service has padlocked W.G. Jones State Forest from Monday through Friday rather than continue to suffer the agonizing awareness that men are fiddling around in the woods.
And Montgomery County is not alone. The City Council in Lake Jackson, Texas, south of Houston, has shut down Wilderness Park for the same reason.
Texas Forest Service Director James Hull told the Houston Chronicle that other visitors to the W. G. Jones saw men 'lurking around picnic areas and trails' and sometimes saw them having sex. The visitors also complained about used condoms on the trails.
'It's disgusting to have to close the facility [to] hundreds of kids and families for something like this,' Hull said.
Montgomery County Chief Deputy Buck Drake told the Chron that the only other way to stop the 'lewdness' would be to hire full-time security guards. The cops 'don't have the people or the money' to police the forest 24/7, he said.
Pshaw. Can't we all just get along? Throughout Europe, 'families' and cruisers manage to share wooded areas without these blowups and overreactions we see routinely in the U.S.
Here's a plan. U.S. cruisers should dispose of condoms in trash receptacles and restrict woodsy shenanigans to way-off-the-beaten-path locations. U.S. 'families' need to stop being more freaked about gay sex in the woods than they are about straight sex in the public places that I've seen it, such as beaches and parking areas.
My hunch is that few if any 'families' actually ever observe homosexual sodomy in the woods. Instead, they deduce (or hear rumors of) what is going on, disapprove of it, and exaggerate a tad when they complain.
Despite our culture's omnipresent hypersexualization, many Americans remain, paradoxically, more prudish than the citizens of so many other nations.
It's just sex, for crying out loud.
