Kyle Hawkins was a highly successful men's lacrosse coach at the University of Missouri, with eight winning seasons in his nine years. This season—his lone losing one—resulted in a 6-9 record; however, his overall record reportedly was 127-58.
Still, the openly gay Hawkins was informed in early May that his contract was not being renewed for the 2007-'08 season. His current contract expires May 31.
Windy City Times spoke with Hawkins days before he was asked to resign ( which he refused to do ) and ultimately fired. Hawkins is one of the few openly gay college coaches in the nation, in any sport. The Missouri lacrosse team is not a varsity sport, but rather, a club team affiliated with the school, located in Columbia. There are no scholarships, and the players are primarily in charge of the decision-making.
Members of the team told the media the firing was not related to their coach coming out, and it appears Hawkins, who is not discussing the reasons behind the dismissal, will not file a lawsuit challenging it.
What follows is the WCT interview with Hawkins, prior to his dismissal.
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Kyle Hawkins has endured both ends of the straight spectrum following his public confirmation last June that he, the University of Missouri men's lacrosse head coach, is gay.
On the bright side, there was the meeting last summer with Jason Miltenberg, one of Hawkins' former players. Miltenberg immediately showed Hawkins pictures of his four daughters, a traditional practice between Hawkins and all of his former players.
Miltenberg then turned to Hawkins and said: 'Coach, we all have secrets; I don't think any different of you.''
'That meant a lot,' said Hawkins, 36. 'To hear current players and alumni voluntarily say that [ my sexuality ] is not a problem really means a lot.'
But then there was the game last October against archrival Kansas. Time was running out in the first quarter; Hawkins and the Kansas coach sought more time on the clock from the referee.
'We don't care what faggots think,' the official said.
Hawkins—who personally did not hear the comments, but was quickly informed—complained to the Great Rivers Lacrosse Conference commissioner and the head of officials.
The referee eventually e-mailed an apology to Hawkins, saying his comment was simply a botched joke. Ultimately, the referee was suspended for at least one year.
'That [ comment ] shocked me the most,' Hawkins said. 'I didn't personally hear [ the official's comment ] , and I couldn't believe and actually didn't believe it [ when I was told. ]
'The reason that [ comment ] was so hurtful was that an official is supposed to be non-biased. An official is supposed to preserve the rules of the game and the safety of the game. It really upset me.'
Fast-forward to this spring, during a Missouri game. An opposing player standing right next to his coach said the word 'faggot.' Hawkins turned to see who said it and spotted the guilty player boasting of his comment, and was even pointing to his jersey and calling out his number for Hawkins to hear.
'The thing that really angered me about that situation was that [ the player ] was standing right next to his coach—and the coach did nothing,' Hawkins said. 'That's the only time I've been really angry about the use of the f-word. Most of the time, I just blow it off.
'Heck, if they didn't use that word, they would use another word. Athletes will use anything they can to get at you, to get under skin, to get you off your game.'
ONCE UPON A TIME …
Hawkins, who grew up in a strict suburban St. Louis home that was devoted to its church, has made his own path in recent years, teetering between the sports and gay communities. He has shone bright professionally, including snaring a conference championship in 2004. He's also been tormented personally, taking part in alcohol-fueled binges to help ease his sorrow and being placed on suicide watch in a psychiatric hospital.
Clearly, Hawkins was the Frustrated Coach—the same moniker he used to post on an Internet message board on the gay sports Web site OutSports. In 2003, his initial anonymous postings were 'so people would understand where I was coming from,' he said.
You see, Hawkins was looking for a rumored group of closeted collegiate coaches who meet annually in Columbus, Ohio.
The group, Hawkins discovered, did not exist.
Frustrated Coach continued posting and chatting randomly for a few years—until Hawkins truly came out to the world, signing his post of June 10, 2006.
His parents already knew.
His school's athletic administration already knew. The team's assistant coaches, and many alumni, already knew. And the team itself knew, too.
'I felt like I had already come out to everybody,' so why not formally sign the June posting, he said. 'I certainly didn't post [ with my name ] to thump my chest and wave a flag. I posted because I knew for a fact that there were other closeted coaches out there and I wanted them to know the one thing that I would have died to know: the name and [ phone ] number of a person who you could contact, who was gay and who you can trust.'
Over the past year or so, Hawkins said he's been contacted by 'a lot' of closeted coaches, from those at the high-school ranks to assistants on the professional level. The majority have been high-school coaches, Hawkins said.
Amazingly, Hawkins said he's been contacted by 40 or more closeted coaches over the past four years or so. They come from all sports, he said: 'Those [ closeted coaches ] who feel like they're on the most remote island are those from men's team sports, especially in the South and the Midwest.'
When he came out to his assistants, they wanted him to tell the team, but Hawkins refused. 'I'm not closeted and I'm not going to hide it,' he said. 'And I'm not going to live my life in fear that they are going to find out, but no straight coach is going to sit his players down and say, 'Hey, guess what, I'm straight.'
Hawkins said the summer of 2006 was very difficult professionally—because of his personal life. The stories about his sexuality were hitting and he didn't know how they would affect his coaching. Or his players. Or his recruiting. Or his status within the lacrosse community.
LOOKING AHEAD
Hawkins is optimistic these days—professionally and personally.
He is in his first committed relationship, to 20-year-old Ryan. ( For personal reasons, Hawkins declined to reveal Ryan's full name. ) The two, who initially met on Gay.com, live right next door to each other. They spent last Christmas together in Ireland.
For the record, Hawkins was quick to say that Ryan is not, and was not, a lacrosse player. 'I would not even entertain the thought [ of dating a player. ] ,' Hawkins said. 'I've never had an interest [ sexually ] in anyone who has ever played for me, current or former.'
Hawkins said that when he came out, he didn't know of any gay players on the Missouri team: 'Yes, I have had former players who, thanks to my gaydar, I have thought might be [ gay or bisexual ] , but I never asked them.
Missouri, since Hawkins' revelation, has attracted several gay lacrosse players.
More about Hawkins
THE QUOTE: 'In an avenue like OutSports, the name Frustrated Coach brought the right response; it brought people to me who wanted to help me,' Hawkins related. 'Unfortunately, I made the same name in Gay.com, and thought that I'd find people who would help me, but instead I brought out the freaks who thought that I was into the whole coach-athlete thing. It's not a fantasy, or a hook, or an attempt to find people.'
COMING OUT AS A PRO ATHLETE WHILE STILL ACTIVE: 'It was my conscience that outed me,' according to Hawkins. 'It was my personal realization that I was a coward; that's what brought me out. It wasn't courageous to come out. It was cowardly to stay in. And someone's conscience is going to get the better of them and they're going to come out [ while active. ] It will be someone on the way out [ of the pro ranks ] and just won't care, or, it will be a pro at the top of his game and basically will be daring someone to say something or do something [ negatively ] against him because he's proven what he can do.
