She heard the same advice over and over: "You are so good at explaining this, you ought to write a book." At first Joanne Herman, who lives in Boston, Mass., just didn't see the need. And yet the same message kept coming back at her: "No, you really do need to write a book."
Herman began to wonder. Why is it that so many people don't seem to understand transgender people and our concerns? Long story short—she took the advice. Her book, Transgender Explained: For Those Who are Not is hot off the presses. It is an outgrowth of a series of 20 columns she wrote for the Advocate over a two-year period.
And much to her surprise, "There's a lot of excitement about it," Herman said during a recent interview. "I wasn't expecting that."
Over her years of educating about and advocating transgender equality before corporate executives and serving on LGBT community organizations' boards of directors, Herman has learned a thing or two. "One of the secrets we learned from the marriage wins," she said, "is that through [ telling ] personal stories people got to know the gay couple next door."
"That's what's [ necessary ] for transgender people," she explained. "We need people to be out and for folks to have an experience," for instance, "of working beside somebody."
More critical, Herman said, are "success stories," to which she devotes an entire chapter in the book. "People are thirsty for [ them ] ." And, "If my book help makes it less challenging for transgender people to be out and successful at the same time, writing it will have definitely been worthwhile."
Altogether, the primary audience for the book, she said, is "people who have a transgender person in their life" in some cases for the first time, including parents, siblings, work colleagues, friends and extended family relatives.
"There is an important point to be made here about the challenge this presents to family members," Herman said. "Historically, we have been told that gender is binary, and many have worked for years to understand their gender non-conformity. For those who transition genders, many have also worked for years to plan for it. But chances are the family has not had that lead-time." Added Herman, "For family to accept, they need a little more time to catch up."
Knowing someone transgender may make all the difference in advancing equality and compassion. Herman is determined to reach as many people as possible, telling her own story and being open to people's genuine interest in what it means to be transgender or gender non-conforming. "I will answer anything, and people tend to ask fairly sensitive things because there is such a curiosity out there," she said.
"Just think about how the rest of the world thinks about your being gay," said Herman. "For some people, it just doesn't compute."
Therefore, gay and transgender folks have a responsibility to help bring others along. Just as gay people tell about life with a differing sexual orientation, so transgender people must communicate their experience with an alternate gender identity ( how they feel ) and/or gender expression ( how the look and act ) .
"But the transgender person must lead the way in explaining," she said. "Many aspects of the experience are very personal. Just because someone is transgender, you can't assume it's safe to ask if the boobs are real or not," she said, "because that is a violation of privacy."
Herman hails from the Main Line suburbs outside Philadelphia where she grew up until her family ( she has one sibling, a brother, six years her junior ) moved to Connecticut. As early as age seven Herman "knew something felt wrong," she said, but "I had no words to express it."
Growing into adolescence Herman experienced "teasing," she said. The perception, Herman explained, "was my being a lightweight" for a lack of interest in athletics in a sports-focused public school environment.
Excelling in high school academics, however, Herman went on to attend Dartmouth—"a real macho school," she said. But after Dartmouth went co-ed in 1972, Herman's discomfort over the frequent hazing of newly arrived female students led her to spend her junior year at Smith College. Yet even there she did not become fully aware of her transgender identity. That began to change after a 1995 trip to Provincetown for Halloween.
Fast forward, Herman read everything she could get her hands on. A fast study, Herman transitioned to live as a female by the end of 2002. "My life was so much better than my old life," she said. "I am so appreciative to be living in the right gender." Shortly after transition, Herman began to think about giving back. That opportunity presented itself when Jennifer Levi, transgender rights project director, at the Boston-based Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders approached her about serving on the organization's board. Herman said "yes," and has gone on to serve as a board director for the Point Foundation, which offers academic scholarship program for marginalized LGBT college students.
She now also serves on the board of Boston-based Fenway Community Health where Herman recently read from her book.
She has done radio interviews with broadcast outlets as far away as Madison, Wis., and Long Island, N.Y. Central Voice News, located in the "conservative" part of Pennsylvania, has scheduled print-issue interview with Herman for February.
Herman is optimistic, if not hopeful about a brighter future for younger generations. Her hope rests on a basic goodness in human nature. "People have to stop worrying about understanding" all the intricacies of transgender and gender non-conforming identities. "Just think about computer software," she explained. "You don't need to know how every single function works in order to appreciate its value."
Keep in mind, Herman said, "For some folks gender is not as clear cut as it is for others. Just think about how you might help a person by being a little more open and understanding."
