I endeavor, when I can, to get my Christmas shopping out of the way early so that I can avoid the crowds and know I've carefully considered the decisions. It's my hope the Democrats will pursue a similar strategy when shopping for a presidential candidate: last time around, neither candidate from either party was much of a gift. ( Though Kerry, at least, was more like a white oxford shirt—plain but practical and not offensive; Bush, in contrast, was like novelty-store fake vomit. ) To give the Dems a push in the right direction, I thought I'd set a good example and start my own shopping list for a good presidential candidate.
1. It's been said before, but I'd like the person running our country to be smarter than me. Sure, Lassie could be a lot of fun to frolic with, but I'd rather have someone in the Oval Office who has more than the sit/stay command down cold and who doesn't need a metaphoric pooper scooper cleaning up after his 'mistakes.' She doesn't have to be a Rhodes scholar, necessarily, but it would be nice if the president at least had a grasp of geography, for instance, rather than someone who says 'Wow! Brazil is big,' as Bush recently did after being shown a map of that country by its president.
2. Is it too much to ask to get someone who plays well with others? While there has often been anti-American sentiment somewhere in the world at any given time, according to a recent international poll, many Europeans like Communist China better than they like the United States. A country that has run over its people with tanks is better liked than we are!
3. When looking at presidential candidates next time around, if any make claims to morality, can we make sure he or she actually has a grasp of what 'moral' means? Someone, for instance, who worries more about the loss of lives in an unjust war or mismanaged disaster relief than about the 'murder' of a fetus in an abortion? Someone, for example, who doesn't believe that torture is OK—as long as we're the ones doing it? ( On that topic, my girlfriend wonders: if the CIA can torture suspected terrorists, why can't they torture Karl Rove? )
4. How about someone who thinks of 'truth' as, say, something more like an absolute than something you can fudge if you cross your fingers behind your back? If Bush were Pinocchio, his nose would give the logging lobby wet dreams.
5. As long as I'm drawing up a wish list, I think it would be nice to have a president who has enough respect for god to let her do her own work. To be honest, I'm really pretty much of an atheist, but if there is such a thing as a supreme being, an entity that could create an entire planet and its inhabitants and that could revise her work as she went along using evolution ( that's 'intelligent design' to you school kids in Kansas! ) , why would she need a dweeb like Bush to help further her agenda? I am far from all-knowing and all-powerful, and I can tell you that I sure don't want Bush representing me!
6. And in the name of English teachers and readers and writers everywhere, I would like to put forth a request for someone who has a grasp of the language, someone who hasn't been known to say things like 'It's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life' or 'Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it' or 'We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job.' If a president can be impeached for having sex, can't we impeach one for murdering the English language? OK, so there are a dozen other more egregious offenses for which Congress could impeach Bush—I'm not picky: just choose one!
7. Now this is very minor, in the scheme of things, but I'd really like a president whose laugh doesn't sound like it's coming from someone wearing a rumpled trench coat wanting to show me dirty pictures. It just doesn't bode well when a person's expression of joy completely creeps people out.
Only a thousand shopping days left till we pick a new president. All I can say is, we better not wind up with the rubber chicken again.
© 2005 by Yvonne Zipter. See www.yvonnezipter.com .
