Well, it's finally happened. You all have made me snap. So, in an effort to cobble together the last remaining fragments of my sanity into a cohesive brain, I jumped in my Monte Carlo and headed south. Just south. Just to see what would happen.
The first night, I stopped into Knoxville, TN, home of The Electric Ballroom. The whole bar welcomed me with open arms ( certain members of the staff welcomed me with open legs, as well ) . A quick hello to Vincent, Doug, Terry, Rex, Miss Vega, Kevin and Jacob. Now, Jacob, that cash I crammed down your shorts had better go towards that new little girl's college fund!
From there, I wound through the Great Smoky Mountains. Breathtaking. Apparently my car thought so, as well. At the very top of Newfound Gap, which is 5,048 feet in the air, it up and dies. After much head scratching with a few other equally clueless fellows, who should pull up but Robin. Much to their amazement ( not so much
mine ) Robin was a mechanic. God bless that woman! She got my car started in a heartbeat. I believe I proposed marriage. It didn't take.
So the next few days saw much more driving and much more auto-related trauma. While sitting patiently in an auto repair shop in Memphis, I passed the time with some light reading. Their library of choice consisted of a bible and four tow truck driver trade magazines. Well, dontcha know I read every trade mag they had. I can tell you minutiae on the process of winching a Chevy out of a ravine. In case you need to know.
So 1,900 miles later, I am back refreshed and ready for the bullshit.
Popped in to the charming and reasonably priced X/O for a nip. They must have some sort of underground hydroponic set-up where they breed gorgeous guys to work at the bar. And graze the harvest I did.
Clark's kicked my ass last night. Not only were Steve and Dennis in rare form ( check out page 46 ) , I had an über-scandalous picture taken of me with a certain yin, whose yang was nowhere to be found. After some cajoling, I decided not to run the picture. This week.
I also ran into Jeff, my good friend from Cupid's. Jeff is moving on up and by next week will be off into the blue. We had a very sweet time together, both at the bar and in our ongoing exchanges with one another. I was 10 miles past verklempt. Jeff, you will be missed immeasurably.
Lisa Lexus at Cocktail has some big idea about doing a weekly poll for Nightspots. If you see a fierce bitch with a raging 'fro coming toward you with a steno pad and a sharpened No. 2, don't stress. She's with me.
St. Pat's is coming. There you go. I've given you a perfectly rational and defensible excuse to drink. No more worrying about the judgmental eyes of your peers. You have been given a free pass.
And don't forget to tip your bartenders a little extra 'green' this year. I know they'll be working their shillelaghs off.
1 Jeff and I at Clark's on Clark. pix by Kirk
2 Ms. Lisa Lexus and friend at Cocktail. pix by Kirk
3 Robin on top of Newfound Gap, on the TN/NC state line. pix by Kirk