They set the framework for their future one September evening in 1999, when their first date, at Leona's Restaurant in Lakeview, went from a simple get-to-know each other dinner to a deep, lengthy, in-depth discussion about how each wanted families.
Michael and Chris McGuire had actually met a few months before their first date—on a boat with their many mutual friends. They were attracted to each other on the boat, but Michael now admits he was hesitant to pursue Chris who, at the time, lived in the suburbs. Michael, meanwhile, was a Chicago resident without a car.
At Leona's, "we had a conversation about what we wanted long-term," Michael said. "Sure, we were young, but we were both goal-oriented; it was important to both of us that we had a family." Michael left the dinner and, when he got home, in this the pre-Smart Phone era, he left a voice-mail message for Chris at his home. Michael said that he hoped it was the first of many dates for the two. They also saved, and now cherish, the cork from the bottle of wine they consumed at Leona's, along with the corks from all bottles of wine from their first year of dating.
The three-hour Leona's dinner has turned into 13 years together, a marriage ceremony in suburban Lincolnshire in 2005, a civil-union ceremony in Chicago in 2011, the adoption of daughter Julia in 2009 and, now, the waiting process for the adoption of a second child.
"Both of us were really focused on the end game, which was to have a family," Chris said.
Michael, 33, is an advertising executive from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Chris, 37, is a software designer in the finance industry originally from Connecticut.
They now live together in a third-floor Edgewater apartment with Julia, born on July 16, 2009. Both were in the delivery room for her birth, and Chris even cut the umbilical cord.
"Holidays are now a re-affirmation and days for us to be grateful for what we have, and Julia can only be described as a miracle, amazing," Michael said. "[The adoption process] is much easier than I thought it was going to be. When we first went into [the adoption agency], I thought the task was going to be Herculean."
Julia is their angel.
Michael and Chris started the adoption process during the summer of 2007, using The Cradle in Evanston, and took about 18 months worth of parenting classes. They were in the adoption pool for about six months when a professional colleague of Michael's, who knew they were in the adoption pool, said her sister was pregnant and she wanted to know what agency they were aligned with.
Ultimately, Alice Lyndall chose Michael and Chris to be the adoptive parents for her then-soon-to-be-born child—and Rose hadn't even mentioned to her sister, Alice, that she was quite familiar with Michael and Chris.
"When we got Julia, we lost a handful of friendships because we no longer were going out to the bars and hanging out [with some]. That was very difficult," Michael said. "I think that's been the only negative over the past two-plus years."
Michael and Chris had more than 100 hours of parenting training before paperwork was official. Both said there was nothing for same-sex couples that differs from straight couples; it was the same process, Michael said.
Michael and Chris waited the required 72 hours after Julia's birth so Lyndall could sign the required change-of-heart documentation. Days later, the couple met Lyndall's parents, and they met Julia, followed by Chris' parents, and Michael's parents.
"The birth was very emotional, still is to think about it," Michael said. "After the [change-of-heart documentation] was signed, it was followed by a symbolic Exchange Ceremony; that really was exciting for us, knowing that our family was truly starting when we went home. It also was emotional, a bit of a loss for Alice; so yes, there was some sadness that day."
Michael and Chris have incorporated Alice into Julia's life, and mom sees daughter once a week.
"As we drove home from The Cradle that first day [with Julia], I still remember turning to Chris as we were driving on Ridge Street, and said, 'I think our lives are taking an amazing turn,'" Michael said. "And how true it was—Julia really is a great, great kid."
Their sleeping patterns have changed drastically over the past few years, each said, though Julia now sleeps through the night.
They also have a full-time nanny: a straight man who teaches her sports, Chris joked.
Their memory bank now includes such milestones as a trip to see Disney's Princesses on Ice, and the first time Julia watched The Lion King.
Julia calls Lyndall "Mommy."
None have contact with the birth father, though Michael and Chris won't hesitate to share the limited information they know about him with Julia if she asks—because they want her to know anything and everything.
"Our commitment to Alice is, we will always make Julia available to her," Michael said. "We're really honest and open with Julia about who she is. She knows she's been adopted. We talk about it and read books [about adoptions.]
"I think she understands the typical family of a mom and a dad, but don't know if she yet truly comprehends."
Chris added, "We want everything out in the open from the start."
Michael and Chris entered the adoption pool at The Cradle again last October in hopes of adding a second child to their family. "The adoption process is now way more competitive [than in 2009]. Everyone has had to up their game, big time. That's why we produced a video," to showcase our lives.
Historically, second adoptions take longer than firsts, said Michael, who added that representative from the adoption agency said the second process could take up to 18 months.
No one had ever done a true video like Michael and Chris did, and after it was uploaded to Facebook and YouTube, the video was watched more than 2,100 times in three days.
Michael and Chris do not have a say in the sex of a future child they will adopt, nor do they care which; they just want another child. While they anxiously await The Call from The Cradle, "everything we do now is focused on our daughter, Julia," Michael said.
These are words from a loving parent—not just a gay parent.
Anyone interested in more information about this family, please call The Cradle at 800-272-3534 and ask to be put in contact with Michael and Christopher's adoption counselor.
To watch the Michael and Christopher video, visit www.vimeo.com/35164060.
