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F.Y.I. Adults Have Already Been Raised
by Vicky Nabors
2005-04-01

This article shared 2976 times since Fri Apr 1, 2005
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When folks think and voice their opinions from narrow-minded, outdated, or one-sided perspectives, somebody's feelings will be hurt and/or they'll get pissed off.

I'd like to respond in general to some recent, yet very common opinions, gripes and questions posed, to me, by straight and lesbian sistahs: 'How can a womyn wake up one morning after 10 years of marriage and announce to her parents and husband that she's lesbian? That don't make sense!' 'How can a womyn live as a lesbian for 15-plus years and suddenly decide to marry a man? What kind of BS is that?' 'She promised to be with me forever—now she's with her, how could she do that to me?—It hurts so bad!' 'You shouldn't mess with that chick, she doesn't work, got two-three kids, and lives with her mama!' 'Why won't she listen to me, and do what I tell her to do? She's just stubborn and stupid!' 'Man, how can you get with her? Everybody knows she's a 'stud-hoe.'' And finally, 'Why they gotta role play, can't they just be wimyn-loving-wimyn?'

Now, you've gotta be familiar with some of these statements, and probably have expressed a few yourself. I did back in the day; fortunately I woke up, grew up, and backed up.

The following answers to the questions above are my perspectives and philosophy on life, living, and bull-s: It goes a lil somethin like this: Sometimes we think we know another person's heart, soul and desires, but we don't. Sometimes people simply mislead us because they know we wouldn't approve of their true identity, beliefs, or extracurricular activities. Sometimes living is gonna hurt, but you just have to learn to roll with the punches until the pain subsides, then get on with your life. Sometimes we have to accept the reality that our friends and loved ones will be the bearers of that pain, and we can't do jack about it. Sometimes, shit just happens—good intentions gone bad, and we make a mess of our lives; does that mean we don't deserve a fresh start? Sometimes, we forget that God gave EVERYBODY a highly intelligent and functioning brain to think with. Sometimes, we think we know what's best for others, and openly express it with pure intentions; but do we really? Sometimes we won't understand why people make strange choices; but as long as they're not hurting themselves or others, is it really important that we know? Sometimes we forget that even though some people are similar in behaviors and/or likes, they are uniquely different. Sometimes we get really pissed off when others refuse to heed our suggestions or points-of-view. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we only know what's best for our own lives. Sometimes we just need to shut-up, sit down and mind our own business.

Bottom line, I woke up when I realized that life is like math, it's complex and mysterious. More importantly, just as with math, you can work through problems several different ways and still come up with the correct answer.

When I finally accepted these facts, I grew up and backed up. Today, I respect the reality that adults need room to make their own choices and mistakes; that's how they learn and grow. Plus, adults have already been raised; you don't need to raise them again.

vickynabors@hotmail.com .

Black Lesbian Confab

The Zuna Institute, a national advocacy group for Black lesbians, is hosting its third biannual National Black Lesbian Conference in Dallas April 7-10.

For more information, visit www.zunainstitute.org/conf/2005/registration/registration.php.

Queer APIs

The Queer Asian/Pacific Islander Interim Task Force will meet at the home of David Amarathithada, 821 S. Western, #3, April 2, 1-3 p.m. Call Karl K at ( 216 ) 965-6232 or opmik75@gmail.com .

Phat Camp

Phat Camp, a support group that focuses on personal empowerment and body image for LGBT women, is offering a 10-week camp for women ages 20-30 on Saturdays starting in late March. Call ( 773 ) 830-0100 or visit www.morethanjustphat.com .


This article shared 2976 times since Fri Apr 1, 2005
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