BY Penny Wilson
Can you unerringly tell a heterosexual person once you've spent some time with them, even if they themselves are confused or unclear about their own sexual orientation?
If so, congratulations! You have Hetdar, an essential and useful skill these days, when it's hip to be gay, and straight ( but not narrow ) friends and allies find themselves asking, 'If all of my best friends are gay, does that mean that I am gay, too?'
When is Hetdar important? The best use for Hetdar is when spending time with straight people who are confused about or questioning their sexual preference.
While many situations can make a heterosexual doubt their own sexual orientation, common examples include:
— Having really close friends who are GBLT ( especially more than one or two ) . This often causes open-minded straight people to question their own sexual orientation.
— The desire to be part of the 'in' crowd. In these times of gender-bending exploration of all varieties of sexual expression, identifying as merely heterosexual can feel hopelessly old fashioned or backward. Some impressionable straight people push themselves to self-identify as GBLT simply to be 'cool'.
Having Hetdar allows one to not waste time attempting to build gay romantic relationships with people who are actually straight, and skilled Hetdar practitioners can even save the het marriages of friends by assuring confused straight people of their obvious heterosexual state.
Unfortunately, Hetdar cannot be learned or taught; like a good sense of interior decorating or fashion, you either have it, or you don't. Fortunately for our GBLT community, enough of us have Hetdar that asking around amongst one's friends is usually enough to find someone who can lend you this skill when its use is essential.
Happy detecting: )