"Steven Spielberg recently remade West Side Story and bent over [backward] to respect ethnicities and ended up pleasing nobody. And it's too bad, because the original musical was written by Stephen Sondheim, Arthur Laurents and Leonard Bernstein—three gay Jews. And if you can't trust gay Jews to write about hot-blooded Puerto Rican teenagers, who can you trust?"—Bill Maher
We've all seen those movies—those trashy slasher flicks when the killer is carried out on a gurney, covered by a sheet, and then pops up and kills the EMT. Well, there was a real-life equivalent of this very situation (minus the murder, naturally). Anne Heche—who was in the remake of Psycho—was driving erratically through Mar Vista, California, shortly after buying a red wig. She was caught on camera almost mowing down a pedestrian, and then refusing to stop after nicking a garage. That's when she turned someone's house into a McDonald's drive-thru. For some inexplicable reason, she pulled into a driveway, plowed through the living room of one Lynne Mishele, and continued about three-quarters of the way through the house. Eventually the car stopped and everything was ablaze, while Heche was still in her car.
Police, fire, and rescue officers were called to the scene, while one chopper caught everything on live TV—without anyone realizing the driver was marginally famous. In a moment of blatant sexism, the reporter wondered aloud if "he" (the driver) was OK—as if a woman couldn't have possibly caused such a commotion. After close to an hour, a body was extricated from the passenger side of the car, placed on a gurney, and covered in a sheet. The reporter described the grim scene when, all of a sudden, up popped Anne Heche, as if to say, "I'm OK!" It was an unbelievable sight! Despite this last surge of strength, the brain injuries were too extensive and she passed away a week later.
Over the years, I was fortunate to spend lots of time with Olivia Newton-John on stage and off, most memorably when I hosted her only concert of 2008—at LA Pride. As many have said, the best way to describe her personality was "sunny." Fast forward to 2020, when I hosted a special "Billy Masters LIVE" to celebrate 50 years of LA Pride. I thought Olivia would be a great guest, so I reached out to her publicist and bestie, my bon ami Michael Caprio. ONJ was game, but technologically couldn't do it due to unreliable internet at her ranch. Unexpectedly, a couple of hours before our live show, I got an email from Caprio: "Olivia was sorry she couldn't join you live, but thought you might be able to use this." Attached was a video she shot wishing us a happy Pride, saying how sorry she was she couldn't join us live and saluting our efforts. She had nothing to gain from it—she just wanted us all to know she was there. Thanks, Livvy.
KJ Apa, of Riverdale fame (to say nothing of numerous crossword puzzles), got gay tongues wagging worldwide by posting a photo with Eric Dane with the caption "New couple alert." While some hoped this meant Apa would be joining the cast of Euphoria, the twosome is actually shooting a movie. One Fast Move finds Eric playing KJ's daddy—and, alas, I mean his biological father. A boy can dream...
Every once in a while, I wonder whatever became of Frank Ocean—as opposed to Billy Ocean, who still does occasional concerts. The out singer-songwriter (Frank) has been away from the spotlight for several years. It turns out he's been working as a photographer and a designer. And he's starting a jewelry line called "Homer." Most notably, he's peddling a golden cock ring with a price tag of $25K. The trinket is described as "handmade of 18-karat yellow gold with an array of channel set princess-cut diamonds and layers that express a pixilated bone or an H-motif, finished with a high polish." Look: If I want high polish in my nether regions, I'll use something significantly cheaper! Still one must give Frank credit for releasing a photo where he is said to be wearing the uncomfortable-looking bauble. You can see the partially pixilated pic on BillyMasters.com .
Someone who always shows all is rocker Tommy Lee, which leads us into our "Ask Billy" question. Randy in San Diego writes, "I heard Tommy Lee posted a nude photo on social media. But I can't find it. Was it a mistake? And do you have it?"
Tommy Lee is crazy … like a fox. He knew exactly what he was doing with this full-frontal faux pas. It popped up on Instagram and, within 10 minutes, disappeared. Tommy replaced it with a meme of a naked man standing in front of an elephant asking him, "How do you breathe through that little thing?" Oh, that Tommy is a card! And he's in as enviable shape as ever, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com .
When Tommy only needs one additional stick to play the drums, it's definitely time to end yet another column. If that whets your appetite, no need to get behind the wheel. Just cruise on over to www.BillyMasters.com—the site that always has something to munch on. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before anyone calls me crazy! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
