By Kylie Rae , $21.39; Xlibris Corporation; 72 pages
Growing up in rural Australia, transgender author Kylie Rae confronted dust storms, drought and an inner identity that she struggled to hide.
Rae's memoir, It's Not Who I Am, details her coming to terms with her transgender identity and the trials of her physical transformation to be "a woman in all forms."
On her family's farm in the Eyre Peninsula, Rae spent her childhood outdoors, learning to shoot an air rifle and drive a tractor "as soon as I was able to reach the pedals." When Rae's father shamed her for trying on one her sister's dresses, her idyllic childhood turned into a constant struggle to conform.
"From that day on, I decided the only way to go was to look more closely at boys and learn," she writes. "All the time, I was with the thought, 'It's not who I am.'"
As an adult, Rae married, had two children and occupied her mind with work and her passion for motorbikes to keep thoughts of gender identity at bay. But eventually, Rae had no choice but to live the life she always wanted.
"It's hard to shut your mind completely to something that is so real, consuming, and confusing," she writes.
The second half of her memoir, Rae recounts each step of her physical transition, including hormone therapy, laser hair removal, facial feminization surgery and, eventually, sex reassignment surgery. Rae's account provides valuable information for those who are considering a similar procedures, but these details likely will not interest all transgender readers, including those who do not desire or have the financial means to follow the author's path.
But Rae acknowledges that her journey is hers alone and reminds readers that is life beyond transition.
"Just because I needed to transition did not mean that from that day on every waking hour was devoted to that," Rae writes. "I feel that had I not had other interests that occupied that occupied the majority of my time, I may have had issues dealing with the transition part of my life.
The narrative of It's Not Who I Am is often rambling and disjointed, reading more like personal journal entries than a memoir. But Rae has a particular audience in mind for this work, and the moments when she directly address that audience are the most valuable and heartwarming sections of her book.
"I had quickly come to the realization that I could not afford to be embarrassed by what I may look like or what people might say," Rae writes. "If you, the reader, is [sic] in a similar situation, remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of."
