BEING CONTINUED Commute - 2470 - Gay Lesbian Bi Trans News

Today was a bitch. Actually, no, I was the bitch for this day. It's almost 8:30 and I am just now leaving the office. My entire evening is wasted. The date I thought I had sent a nasty text and cancelled because I called twice to say I was going to be late. Another romantic possibility done before it started. Maybe that says something about him. Or too much about me. I don't really fucking care at this point. Some physical contact would have been nice, but who knows if it would have even gone that well. Screw this day. Screw my not getting screwed. It's taken every ounce of willpower I've got to not buy a pack of cigarettes. It's been years, but today almost drove me to it. It just might still. Just get home. That's all I need to do now. Just get across the city and to my neighborhood and home. I'd go to the gym to work off some of this stress, but I woke up late this morning and ran out of the apartment without gym clothes. If I go home first, I know I won't get there. I didn't even shower this morning and I can smell myself. My stress sweat suits me. It makes me want the smell of another man. Or maybe another man to want my smell? I could go for either. Fuck. It's only Thursday. Don't self-destruct. I should just go home. Sleep and start over. Oh hey, there's Mark. Don't engage. Just wave and walk by. No matter how bad my day has been, his will have been worse and I just can't deal. Maybe I should go get a beer. No one goes out this early though. Unless they go to Big Chicks, but that's not really on the way home. Well, not on the way way home. No. Get on the subway and stay on it until my stop. But I'm totally checking Scruff on the ride. Shit. Why is my fare card always almost empty when I'm almost broke. Monica is calling, I'm not answering. She knows why. Hey, this guy is cute and I'm liking what he's saying. Shit. He's only 24. Men should not be allowed to grow full beards until they are 28 or have a Master's. It's only fair. This guy is weird, this guy has no head, this guy is gross. And this guy is trouble. I think I just lost credit points reading his profile. But his damn body is so unbelievably everything I want and I know he wants me. No. No no no. Turn off the apps. Look out the window and watch the sun set. You can make it through the night without putting on the boots and the attitude. Only four more stops anyway. Anxiety, boredom and loneliness do not always have to equal horny. Disappointment does not create desperation. Be fine with being fine by yourself. There. Almost home. The night is still warm and glowing. The day is over and it's a new night. Take ownership of it. Send Monica a text and tell her you forgive her. Call the damned date and see if he is forgiving. Let the kid know you know what he's up to and you'll win that game. Invite him and trouble over and let someone else be your bitch for awhile. Or maybe order a pizza and go to bed. You've got three blocks to decide.

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985