Dear Miss Tee
I have recently moved to Chicago from the LEFT Coast. I am having trouble getting into this Chicago scene. The guys here are so boring and unimaginative. They lack taste culture and style. Is there any part of town where I may find someone closer to my own tastes or any bars you could recommend?
— NewBoyInTown
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Dear NewBoyInTown
Why yes, honey, go west on I-90 and look for the sign that says O'Hare, drive in and hop the first plane out to Assholeville and fuck off. You know I am a transplant to this great city from the WEST Coast also. (I noted the left coast remark so you must be one of those closeted Log Cabin Republican self-hating fag George W. ass sniffers who's idea of a good time is sucking a dick through a glory hole in a dark room under a fake name and then spending the rest of your time on your knees begging God and Ashcroft to forgive you.)
The guys here are hot, real, classy and a lot of fun. I'd take Chicago over that plastic, artificial, attitude ridden West Coast any day.
Dear Miss Tee,
I had a real embarrassing moment a few weeks ago. I was getting rimmed by a real hot guy I have been seeing and while he was doing it he started to tickle me and I farted while his face was in my ass. He was offended and left. I would like to apologize to him. I see him in the bars but he walks away. How can I approach him and settle this? I really liked him and want to see him again.
— Red Faced
Dear Red Faced
Dear, it sounds like Miss Thing has a little attitude problem. Accidents happen. I'd walk up to him and say 'pull my finger.' I mean, after all what's a little gas amongst friends? But if your life can't go on without him, just walk up to him and drop to your knees and beg forgiveness. That's all you can do, that and stay away from White Castle prior to sex. If he can't get over the toot then give him the boot.
