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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

"I think it's important to find a way, all of us, to move on and fly away from this subject onto something else."—Vice Presidential candidate Kamala Harris responding to Rachel Maddow asking if she saw the fly on Mike Pence's head.

It has been a crappy week for your beloved Billy. Throughout this pandemic, I have valiantly tried to remain upbeat. But, I have been beaten down—thwarted. That may sound melodramatic, but let me ask you this: how many of you came into this week with fewer teeth than you had the week before? And let's throw in a debacle before an international viewing audience. Seconds after welcoming Ed Asner to "Billy Masters LIVE"...nothing. Technical difficulties. To add insult to injury, someone actually wrote this comment on that show: "Great to see an interview with a Hollywood legend like Ed Asner." Frankly, losing a tooth the next day was a step up.

Didya hear about the politician who crowd-surfed at a Trump rally in Georgia? I bet more than a few attendees didn't have a full set of teeth, either! While Trump fans are rarely fazed, I bet they didn't expect to see Vernon Jones—a state representative, a Democrat, and a conservative—flying off the stage and onto their heads! Jones later tweeted, "Yes, I surfed that crowd! To the haters—stay mad! You'll be even more mad come November 3rd!" And just think—those people thought the worst thing they'd have on their heads was a mask!

I realize I should be cheering you up. So, here you go: If Trump loses, he may become a fugitive. He said, "I shouldn't joke because you know what? Running against the worst candidate in the history of presidential politics puts pressure on me. Could you imagine if I lose?" I actually can imagine that. He added, "Maybe I'll have to leave the country." Leave/Flee. Potato/Potahto. Coming soon to NBC: The Fugitive Apprentice.

Marla's little girl, Tiffany Trump, just celebrated her birthday and, as family does, her half sister Ivanka sent her a message...via Twitter: "Happy birthday @tiffanytrump! Hope this year marks your best turn yet around the sun! Love you so much!" Isn't that sweet? Except the photo accompanying the post was a snap of the Trump girls as kids—where Ivanka looks great and Tiff is crying. And, oh. yes: Ivanka sent it to the wrong Tiffany Trump! Tiffany probably never saw it since she had a two-day birthday celebration in Miami, complete with capacity crowds, champagne, sparklers, and American flags. Immediately, #ByeTiffany became a popular hashtag. Despite their geographic proximity, I don't believe Tiff was even invited to her father's town hall.

The Tony Award nominations were finally announced—roughly five months late. Because only a fraction of the slated Broadway shows actually opened, the field of nominees is pretty slim. None are slimmer than Best Lead Actor in a Musical. And the nominees are Aaron Tveit, and ... that's it! Yes, he's the only nominee. But, wait—it gets worse. It is entirely possible that Aaron won't win! According to Tony rules, the winner has to receive at least 60 percent of the votes. So, if people don't think he was so hot, they could simply not vote. How embarrassing!

Given the ghoulish time, Elvira has risen from the dead. This is, after all, the Mistress of the Dark's busiest season—or is that the bustiest? Either way, Elvira's not happy with the restrictions on Halloween. She's expressed her ire in a little ditty called "Don't Cancel Halloween," which features the following inspired lyrics: "If they cancel Halloween, 'cause we're still in quarantine, it would make me so mad, it would suck, it would suck so bad!" Do they give out special Grammys for Best Holiday Song?

A second-generation Hollywood star is joining the undead. Emma Roberts ( daughter of Eric and niece of Julia ) is partnering with Netflix. The series First Kill will be based on a short story by V.E. Schwab about a lesbian vampire trying to kill her way to the top. Problems arise when she finds herself attracted to a gal who is a vampire hunter! People are calling this "The Gay 'Twilight." Funny—I thought Twilight was the gay Twilight.

You know what happens to the supernatural when their careers die? They end up naked and on the web. Tyler Posey—formerly of Teen Wolf—is the latest to open an OnlyFans page. It all started innocently enough cooking breakfast in the nude. Now he's showing the sausage. Of course, we already have it on

Red tables are popping up everywhere. Now Gloria Estefan's got one and is doing her own "Red Table Talk" on Facebook. I don't know if she's connected with Jada Pinkett Smith or not, but she had a good show last week. On Red Table Talk: The Estefans, Gloria was joined by daughter Emily and niece Lili to discuss Emily's coming out. According to Emily, when she told her mother she might be gay, Gloria said, "If you tell your grandma and she dies, her blood is on your hands." Gloria defended herself by saying, "You're remembering things, as we all do, in a different way." She explained how she was trying to protect both her daughter and her very old-fashioned, difficult, and ailing mother. It was interesting to see how everyone could be right and wrong at the same time—and how they all came together. It worked out for everyone—with the exception of Abuela, who died before Emily could tell her. Rosie O'Donnell and Michelle Rodriguez also appeared. Check it out.

You know what might perk me up? A quick trip to Puerto Vallarta. Pandemic or not, gay sex is rampant—and in public ... kinda. The Mantamar Beach Club was fined the equivalent of $1,000 for "having allowed sex in one of its transparent pools." The resort has a pool with a see-through Plexiglas wall facing the beach. Apparently, two guys were having some sort of sex next to the wall—while someone on the beach filmed them! Once the video went viral, the authorities fined the hotel. It should be noted that they were not required to close the pool. Remember the good ole days when the worst someone did in the pool was pee? You can check out the video on

Someone who probably won't check it out is Karamo Brown. The suddenly single Queer Eye star may be back on the market, but he doesn't want your dick pics: "Not to be crude or anything, sending inappropriate pics is not a way to ever engage with someone. That's not universal for 'hello'." Let me make one thing clear—Karamo is only speaking for himself.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Oliver in London: "I know you must get a million questions asking you about different hot guys, but I don't know who else to ask. What do you know about Zac Smith who was just on The Bridge? I hear he's done some nude modeling—so I went to the master."

Thanks, m8. Even on the other side of the pond, I am the Gossip King—as Sue O'Connell dubbed me on "The Take." The Bridge is a UK reality show where people have to build a bridge to get the prize money. Not only does Zac model, he's a stripper in the UK troupe Dreamboys. Of course, nobody's touring in quarantine ... so I did the legwork for you. Zac's impressively built, and he's impressively hung. Although he is openly heterosexual, he's quick to add, "My fan base is predominantly men so, if anything, thank you!!" Whilst Zac, too, has an OnlyFans page, you can get a taste of him on

When I'm considering a trip to Puerto Vallarta to pick up some gay sex ... and teeth, it's definitely time to end yet another column. You can keep up with the latest dish and drama—the site that hasn't lost its bite. And, since Karamo isn't interested, feel free to send whatever you'd like to me at , and I promise to get back to you before Ed Asner returns to "Billy Masters LIVE" ( which will be soon—promise ). So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

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