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  NIGHTSPOTS

strap this on
by lisa rock
2007-09-12

This article shared 1655 times since Wed Sep 12, 2007
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I had a recent visit to the hospital. Everything seems to be OK; it was a false appendicitis alarm. My care was decent, but I kept thinking that if the hospital had been run by the LGBT community, how much better my visit would have been. I got absolutely no sleep, and if the chair that pulled out into a bed for Robin had been made of concrete, it would have been more comfortable. ( Oh, yeah, send any well wishes in the form of gift cards or tell me what bar to meet you at for a drink. ) If you absolutely must send a bottle of wine, email me, and I'll send you the address. So Strap This On for the Health Care Industry:

The Top Ten Changes LGBT Folks Would Make to Better a Hospital Stay

10 ) Décor: The Queer Eye guys or a lesbian decorator from one of those reality shows could make the choice of paintings, wall colors, drapes, and a design much more appealing to the eye. All shades of purple would work for me.

9 ) Clothing: I envision the gowns for the patients more like colorful kimonos and silky pajama pants and tops for the nurses and nursing assistants.

8 ) Food: There are so many fabulous lesbian and gay chefs that could make people actually feel as if they're not being punished for being sick. I can see choices of entrées from grilled chicken salad for lunch to a gourmet omelet with fresh vegetables for breakfast.

7 ) Entertainment: First off, I could use some music in the background that I actually want to listen to. How about a Broadway channel on the TV, or a lesbian/gay movie marathon and porn if I want. If I'm in an adult room with access to a private TV, let me choose whatever will relax me.

6 ) Environment: The rooms could be set up more like hotel spa rooms than dorm rooms; a whirlpool tub in the room sure would add a lot and someone in a French maid's outfit to draw my bath.

5 ) Accommodations: It would be so easy to just increase the thread count of the sheets and provide some soft flannel blankets and goose-down pillows. A little color wouldn't hurt either. The cots for the guests could easily be as comfortable or just make the beds queen size so they can sleep with you.

4 ) Personal Care: Personally, I could have used a drink before each test, and something else to distract me like a poster of Kate Winslet or Piper Perabo. Cookies and milk after the long exams and a sponge bath given by some scantily clad assistant wouldn't hurt, either.

3 ) Extras: There needs to be a full-time buff, half-naked masseur for the aftermath of the tests and tension they create.

2 ) Hospitality: For the guests, there needs to be a bar and an all night place to eat. For the patients, there needs to be all night room service delivered by women/men in hot pants.

1 ) Tests: If you are going to draw blood in the middle of the night, give me a vibrator or put on a movie or lean in a little closer and at least let your breasts accidentally brush up against me. In other words, distract me from the pain before you poke me.

You can reach me at StrapThisOn@aol.com


This article shared 1655 times since Wed Sep 12, 2007
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