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strap this on
by lisa rock
2006-04-12

This article shared 1833 times since Wed Apr 12, 2006
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love Disney. I always have. I just learned a little tidbit that helped clear something up: Walt Disney lost his mother tragically when he was around thirty seven and never got over her death. So that's the reason for all of the dying or non-existent mothers in the cartoons. Yet, somehow, he's gone and the legacy continues. This is how I think the cartoons would have been handled had a mother existed or not died. So Strap This On for April and don't hate me cause I'm in the beautiful sunshine state of Florida.

The Top Ten Disney Movies and How Moms Would Make a Difference

10 ) The Little Mermaid: If Ariel had had a mother, she would have kicked Ursula's butt sooner and gotten the contract on her voice voided immediately.

9 ) Finding Nemo: Mom would have watched the first day of school from the coral reef and grabbed Nemo before he even thought about leaving.

8 ) Peter Pan: I'm not sure what happened here. Mom and Dad were out. Their nanny, Nana, was tied up in the yard for making Mr. Darling trip. So there's no nanny watching them as well as no parents. It's a wonder these kids are off flying in the middle of the night to Neverland.

7 ) Beauty and the Beast: Mom would not have backed down from the Beast for being so rude. She would have smacked him and took Belle home.

6 ) Tarzan: Mom would not have let her daughter stay in the jungle with an ape-man. She may have sent her daughter home and moved in herself but the daughter wouldn't have gotten to stay.

5 ) Cinderella: If dad had died, mom would have waited a bit longer to remarry. Mom would also have recognized a new husband's evil daughters and sent them off to reform school before they got that out of hand.

4 ) Pocahontas:'Mom would have known the minute her daughter fell in love and helped her keep it a secret.

3 ) Pinocchio:'A peddler creates a puppet who dreams of becoming a little boy. Mom would just have had a baby and raised him right.

2 ) Aladdin: First off, a mom would not have fallen under the spell of some swami. Secondly, mom would have recognized Aladdin as the kid from the other side of the tracks and stopped the romance at the get-go.

1 ) Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Or as I call it, Snow White and the Seven Fags. Come on, Sleepy is Circuit Boy, Dopey is Bareback, Bashful is Twinky, Grumpy is Bitchy, Happy is Mary or Merry, Doc is Queeny and Sneezy is Druggie. I think mom would have approved but she would have made sure she didn't fall under the evil spell of the witch and, truthfully, the gay boys would have found her the prince a lot quicker.

My lovely Robin is directing A Doll's House at Dominican University. Call ( 708 ) 488-5000 for tickets. I am here in beautiful sunny, Sarasota, playing Madame de la Grande Bouche ( the Wardrobe ) in Disney's Beauty and the Beast through May 28. Go to www.thegoldenapple.com for showtimes if you're in the area.


This article shared 1833 times since Wed Apr 12, 2006
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