by Joan Jett-Blakk
This article shared 1622 times since Wed Jan 29, 2003
... So, there I was, flipping through the Chicago Reader on my way to News of the Weird in section four, when I was visually assaulted in section three! There, in a half-page ad, were the words; 'Bottles Are For Cocksuckers,' with a picture showing a rather rotund fellow holding a can of beer. I stared at the ad for a minute or two, trying to make sure that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing, and then I got mad. Very mad. Now there are only a few ways that bottles are for cocksuckers, and none of them are good. Bottles can go upside the cocksuckers head, can be broken and used as a sharp implement, can be shoved up one's bum, you get the idea.
And then, there is this whole business of using the word 'cocksucker' as if it is a bad word. Enough already! I got news for ya, cocksucker is not a bad word. In fact, cocksuckers are a blessing upon this earth. If not for them, what would us cocksuckees do? I mean, really!! Obviously, the lower life form that thought up that ad has never had its willy licked. We all know that straight men long for blowjobs and do not get them because straight girls do not suck dick unless they are porn stars, and even then they must be properly trained by a professional cocksucker, and all professional cocksuckers are fags. That's one reason why straight people hate us. We have much better sex than they can imagine and they are jealous beyond belief.
Personally, I think that we should turn Gay Pride Day into an orgy of Bacchanalian abandon. Fuck the stupid flag, fuck the stupid ads for the stupid stores, we should just be out in the streets, fucking!! Let's show them what real gay pride is! Pride in our sexuality as sexual activity! Then, we can go find that bar that put that ad in the Reader, and show them what cocksuckers with bottles (that are full of flammable liquid) are capable of!!
I won't be throwing any bottles at anyone on the 12th of February, however. That's when I'm gonna be a part of Dave Awl's show at No Exit Cafe. Dave Awl, in case you don't know, is one of Chicago's most gifted writers, and he's just started a series of theme nights once a month at the aforementioned cafe. The first one was a tribute to David Bowie, and me being a Bowie scholar, I had to go. It was very good. This next show, the theme is advertising, and I have a lot to say about that particular brand of poison. There are other people in the show besides me, so come and see them and I'll be there too. February 12th. No Exit Cafe. Just off the Morse stop on the Howard el.
This article shared 1622 times since Wed Jan 29, 2003
| ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE|
|Berlin Nightclub closes after nearly 40 years, following boycott 2023-11-21|
Decades of Photo Archives below - After nearly forty years, Berlin Nightclub, 954 W. Belmont Ave., officially closed its doors Nov. 19 following a months-long fight between its owners and unionized workers. Owners Jim Schuman and Jo Webster officially announced Berlin Nightclub's ...
|Happy Hail-loween: Rough weather doesn't get the better of Haunted Halsted revelers 2023-11-03|
- The 26th annual Haunted Halsted Halloween Parade returned for the 26th time on Oct. 31. Attendees were challenged by a mix of rain, snow and hail as they marched down Halsted Street from Belmont Avenue towards ...
|Berlin Nightclub workers urge customers to boycott as they fight for fair contract 2023-10-31|
- Berlin Nightclub workers are calling for people to boycott the LGBTQ+ club while they push for their first contract, which they hope will include increased wages and access to healthcare. Berlin Nightclub workers unionized in April ...
|MIR's Intergalactic Rubber celebration soars to a suburb not too far way 2023-10-27|
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Mister International Rubber (MIR) 27, this year themed as Intergalactic Rubber, took off Oct. 19-22 from their new location at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton in Skokie. MIR26 Pusckatt Pumera Onyx stepped down and passed their ...
|GAY HISTORY MONTH In the '60s, drag found a home in San Francisco's Glen Park 2023-10-02|
- Special to Windy City Times. To mark Gay History Month, this article appears courtesy of the Bay Area Reporter. During the '60s most LGBTQ nightlife in San Francisco was centered in the northern neighborhoods of the ...
|Nobody's Darling celebrates expansion into adjoining property with soft opening event 2023-09-24|
- In the little over two years since its opening, Nobody's Darling in Andersonville has emerged as one of the premiere inclusive spaces to gather in Chicago. Nobody's Darling has become so successful that co-owners Angela Barnes ...
|Chicago musician, producer and DJ Don Crescendo killed in Avondale stabbing 2023-09-20|
- Chicago's LGBTQ+ nightlife community and allies have rallied around the family and close friends of local longtime musician, producer and DJ Rodney Donovan Taylor, a.k.a. Don Crescendo, in the wake of his death by stabbing last ...
|MUSIC Kylie Minogue to debut Vegas residency this fall 2023-07-28|
- The Venetian Resort Las Vegas revealed details surrounding its new 1,000-seat nightlife space, Voltaire, with the announcement of its first headlinerpop sensation and LGBTQ+ ally Kylie Minogue, a press release ...
|Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11|
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...
|SHOWBIZ Trans musicians, NHL, 'Queen Charlotte,' Jinkx Monsoon, Anderson Cooper 2023-04-08|
- The Face published an article about five trans musicians who should be on people's playlists. British queer nightlife legend Mya Mehmi said that those musicians include New York's Ms Boogie, London-based Harve, Arca, Ms. Carrie Stacks ...
|Winners chosen in the International Puppy and Trainer Contest 2023-04-03|
- The International Puppy & Trainer Contest was held in Chicago the weekend of March 31 to April 2 for the first time since 2019. The contest's Meet & Greet was held at Cellblock on March 31. The contest was hosted the ...
|PASSAGES: Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend and hairdresser Jojo Baby 2023-03-16|
- Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend, doll-maker and hairdresser Jojo Baby died March 14 of liver, lung and stomach cancer. They were 51. Baby was born April 10, 1971, in Chicago and grew up ...
|Puppy & Handler Contest returns 2023-02-21|
Joseph Stephens - The Midwest Puppy & Handler Contest took place the weekend of Feb. 17-18 for the first time since 2019. The contest's meet-and-greet was held at Cellblock Feb. 17. The contest itself was hosted by the Leather ...
|Chicagoans gather for Jackhammer re-opening 2023-01-30|
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Rogers Park leather and fetish bar Jackhammer held its grand re-opening the evening of Jan. 27 after a long renovation process. The longtime North Side watering hole opened in 1999, taking over the space previously occupied ...
|ONYX Midwest forum tackles racist performance at Touche's anniversary party 2023-01-22|
- In a response to the racist performance that took place at the leather, fetish and bear-focused Touche Chicago's 45th anniversary celebration on Nov. 1, 2022, ONYX Midwest hosted a community forum Jan. 21 at The Leather ...