The scents of springtime in Chicago: The crisp cool air on a brisk May morning; the light perfume of a flowering tree wafting gently over your senses; the nostalgic jolt from the smoke of an early-in-the-season barbeque. But perhaps the one that says it best of all is the wall of leathery musk that says IML weekend has arrived. And so, in honor of this vernal event, here's a look back at IML 2007, with a bit of political stuff added in for the election year.
That Sure Made The Place Seem Warm, Welcoming,And Friendly
For the first time ever at the IML host hotel, there were signs up by the entrances stating that the entire hotel was booked for a private event and that only registered attendees of the event would be allowed entrance.
Large And Creamy Is Usually Popular With IML Attendees
Sign advertising food for sale at last year's IML: 'Large and creamy chicken pot pie served until 4 p.m.'
Would The Princess Leia Of The Leather World Be Called Princess Leatha? ( AKA: Star Whores – Episode One Too Many )
The guy with the ultra-pale skin who was wearing the collarless ivory-colored leather shirt with an open back and bare midriff, black leather jeans, and his hair pulled back into a little bun.
Sometimes IML Isn't All It's Quacked Up To Be
The guy in the rubber ducky outfit?
And When You're Not Wearing It At Sex Fetish Events, It Makes A Fabulous Holder For Your Hanging Plants
There was a man wearing a light blue macramé chest harness.
No, It Wasn't Said By Me
Comment overheard at last year's IML: 'I'm a country music song waiting to happen.'
A Fetish Of One
The guy wearing a long platinum-
blonde wig, a necklace of huge silver-colored beads, pirate boots and a rainbow Speedo.
OK, I Have To Admit That My First Thought Was 'There's Never A Roadside Bomber Around When You Really Need One'
There was a creepy guy in an army camouflage dog outfit.
Feed Him To The Dogs—Or At Least To The Camouflage Dog Guy
The guy in the while leather bunny hood, complete with pink bow and collar.
A Winner Every Time
At last year's IML I overheard a guy joke to his friend: 'I hear the hotels bid on this convention
– the loser gets it.'
Would It Really Be IML Without The Fisting?
The guy's friend responded to his joke by saying: 'Oh come on, you know they've got to be making money hand over fist.'
The Devil Made Me Do It
Comment overheard at the Palmer House lobby during last year's IML weekend: 'I feel a sin coming on.'
Which Sucked More …
The guy who had his dick discreetly sucked for a few seconds late one night at the hotel lobby, or the group of suit-wearing hotel security guys who led the dick sucker, the dick suckee, and their friends off to who knows where?
The Difference Between Straight Women And Insecure Straight Men
One group of straight girls shouted out a cheery 'woo-hoo' to the leather-clad IML attendees on the sidewalk in front of the hotel, while a group of straight guys in a moving car yelled out: 'fucking faggots!'
Call Him Mr. Chain-ey
There are unconfirmed rumors that Dick Cheney will attend this year's IML if he can find out the hankie code color for waterboarding.
She'll Whip The Country Into Shape
You can see a cover of Spy Magazine featuring a picture of Hillary Clinton done up as a dominatrix at http://www.mediabistro.
George W. Bush, Bootlicker
Well, it would explain why he always seems to have his foot in his mouth.
The Red, White, But No Blue
If Barack Obama attended IML, based on the photo of him at www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/photo/postphotos/orb/asection/2007-01-09/5.htm, I would assume his hankie code color of preference would be a red and white striped one in his right pocket.
If you see John McCain at this year's IML, write to me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and let me know what color hankie he was wearing, and in which pocket.