Recently, I went to Rockford to attend a concert by my favorite country music cutie Brad Paisley.
I Demand My Money Back!
One of the nice things about a country music concert is scoping out all the guys in cowboy boots and hats and jeans. But as the friend I went with to the show pointed out, even though the lobby was jammed with concert goers, most of those in attendance were not in the proper attire.
Cop A Feel, Feel A Cop
At least there was a cute cop walking around.
Sometimes 'F' Equals 'A'
Our seats were in row 'F,' just six rows from the stage, and right by the end of a side ramp where the artists occasionally stood to perform.
Burn, Baby, Burn
In her song 'Letter To Burn,' 17-year old Taylor Swift, the first opening act, sings 'So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy/that's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay.'
After performing her hit song 'Tim McGraw,' the audience responded with an ovation that lasted about three minutes, with people chanting her name and going generally crazy. Taylor was so surprised she just stood there with her hands covering her mouth in awe of the reaction she was given.
With Emphasis On The First Syllable Of His First Name
The second opening act was Rodney Atkins, whose jeans the Rockford Register Star described as 'snug.' They failed to mention that his jeans were so skin-tight that from the moment he walked out on stage you could easily make out the exact size and location of his penis.
Rodney's Rod Does Not Go Down To Rodney's Knees
I wonder if Rodney refers to his appendage as 'Little Rodney.' If so, that would be understandable. Very understandable.
A Flash In The Pants?
OK, I'll admit it: I did my best to get a photo that showed off Rodney's rod, but the damn camera's flash kept washing out any trace of the thing!
It was to his right, by the way.
With Jeans As Tight As His, There's No Room For Anything To Swing
Some drunken frat boys a row ahead of us were loudly enjoying Rodney's performance. At one point one of the guys screamed out 'I love you, man!' Rodney's response was 'Thanks, but I don't swing that way, fella.'
Either He's A Grower, Or Rodney Wrote That Blog Entry Himself
A Google search of 'Rodney Atkins' and 'tight Jeans' brought up a blog entry by someone who wrote of Rodney: 'He always wears a baseball cap, T-shirt and oh-so-tight jeans that show off his considerable masculine endowment. And he sings damn good too.'
Either Google Is On Drugs, Or Rodney Swings More Than He Wants To Let On
Here's the exact text of a Google search result for the above-mentioned Google search: 'Related Articles To: Ted Kennedy Jokes... Rodney Atkins got the thrill of a lifetime recently when he was invited to ... boots, a super-tight blue T-shirt, equally tight jeans, brunette wig and…'
Couldn't See His Paisley Parts
Unlike Rodney, Brad's jeans fit on the loose side. Goddammitalltohellanyway!
Brad Plays Hard To Get
I did manage to get close-up photos of Brad's face, crotch, and boots, but for some crazy reason it seemed like he did spend much time on the ramp that ended where my friend and I had our seats.
His Name Is Paisley, Which Starts With A 'Pee'
As Brad was finishing a solo acoustic segment, he introduced his band members, who could be viewed on the giant video screens while back stage. When he introduced one band member, it appeared the guy was peeing all over another man, who was holding a cup to catch and drink it. The camera pulled back to show it was a beer bottle the band member was shaking, and not the band member's member.
You can buy a Brad Paisley bandanna through his Web site.
One Damn Good Reason To Move To Rockford
As we were leaving the show, there was a guy ahead of us who looked just like Brad Paisley, except his jeans were a bit tighter.
If you look like Brad Paisley wearing Rodney Atkins' jeans, e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com . And send pictures!!!!!!!