have been regretting the fact that when lavatory lover Larry Craig first tapped his foot in the news media I neglected to raise my foot up and down in response and write a column about the salacious senator. Well, let's just take a Pretzel Logic look into the airport men's room stall of Larry 'Don't Call Him Gay' Craig.
In More Ways Than One
According to a news report at IdahoStateman.com, while in school as a youngster, the semen-sucking senator 'attended the one-room South Crane School, became a champion orator... '
He Gave It The Old College Try
IdahoStatesman.com also reports that 'One man, who was considering pledging with Craig's fraternity at the U of I in 1967, said Craig took him to his room and made what the man said he took to be an invitation to sex,' and in the same story the newspaper reported that three of Larry former college fraternity brothers 'said there were jokes about him being effeminate and possibly gay.'
While There Were Some Things In College He Didn't Try
According to that same news report, 'One woman who dated him [ Craig ] off and on for a year [ in college ] asked not to be named, but said, 'I don't imagine that he ever held my hand. He was into the gotta-hold-the-door-for-the-woman sort of thing. But I always felt like I was an accessory. I might as well have been his briefcase.' '
While The Rest Of Us Call It Completely Rational
According to news reports: 'Craig has faced rumors about his sexuality since the 1980s, which he calls 'completely ridiculous.'
Verily, Methinks He Doth Protesteth Too Much
Public rumors about Larry 'Wide Stance' Craig's sexuality started when a male page claimed back in 1982 that he had had sex with three members of the US House of Representatives. Closeted Craig ( whom the page never mentioned ) was the only one of the 535 members of Congress to issue a denial of any involvement in the scandal.
Butch And Femme
I loved those captions when that story first hit that showed the leggy lavatory lothario legislator with Idaho governor C.L. 'Butch' Otter.
Has Anyone Bothered To Ask Him If He's Bisexual?
After his guilty plea came all over the wall of the bathroom stall... I mean 'came to light', da ho from Idaho stated 'I am not gay. I never have been gay.'
Oh, Thaaaaaat's Why He's Not Gay
According to a news story at IdahoStatesman.com, a source considered to be the most credible witness that Larry Craig engages in bathroom buddy encounters was a man who claimed he performed oral sex on Larry in a public bathroom in Washington, D.C .
Forget Egypt, 'Denial' Is Now A River In Idaho
According to news reports: 'All three of Craig's adopted children said Tuesday they believe their father's assertions he is not gay and did nothing to warrant his arrest.'
According to a news story at IdahoStatesman.com: 'Craig, 62, was elected to Congress in 1980. Should he win re-election in 2008 and complete his term, he would be the longest-serving Idahoan ever in Congress.'
He Was In The Bathroom
News story headline: 'Craig misses 26 Senate votes.'
They Have More In Common Than Just Having A First Name For Both Their First And Last Names
If loverboi Larry does stay in office and then run for re-election, maybe he could get George Michael to record a campaign song for him.
The State Of Minnesota Put Its Wood Up Against Larry Craig
Ryan Wood was one of the lawyers representing the State of Minnesota when it opposed the cocksucking congressman's motion to withdraw his guilty plea.
He's Gross, That's For Sure
One of the original charges against Larry 'The Fairy' Craig was 'gross interference with privacy.'
Larry Wanted Something Gay Stuck Somewhere, That's For Sure
IdahoStatesman.com has an audio recording of Larry saying, in part: 'There are several realities out there. The gay movement in this country has grown aggressively and politically over the past two decades, and they love to stick their fingers in peoples' eyes if they can find any possible opening... '
If you have had any first hand ( so to speak ) encounters with sticking things in Larry Craig's gay opening, tell me about it at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com .