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pretzel logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1701 times since Wed Aug 22, 2007
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his week's column continues with my Pretzel Logic look at my recent trip to Gulfport, Mississippi to help my friends Mike and his partner Christian move from there up to Rockford, Illinois.

Baby, You're A Star

I made arrangements with Star-Rent-A-Car, a small, independent car rental place in Gulfport, to rent a vehicle during my trip. The guy from Star told me that when I arrived in Mississippi I should call him and he would let me know where I could pick up the car. When I called him the morning of my first full day down there I thought he would give me directions to his car rental office. Instead he told me to meet him in the parking lot of the Quality Inn on Highway 49 in Gulfport, where he'd be waiting for me. Mike drove me to pick up the car, and as I got into the passenger seat of the rented car to give the Star guy my payment, I thought that this must be how it feels to buy crack cocaine.

No Junk In The Trunk

Despite the oddness of the whole deal, the rental was fully legitimate. However, before Mike and I drove away from the parking lot in our respective vehicles, we admittedly did check the trunk of my temporary transportation to make sure there were no dead bodies, narcotics, or containers full of radioactive waste stashed inside.

Father Of The Year

Mike and I drove a second time to Mobile, AL ( I mentioned the first drive to Mobile in my last column ) to see the Bellingrath Gardens and Home, and on a tall, elevated walkway that goes around a marshland area, we saw a raccoon walking along on it. Behind the raccoon there was a family of about two or three kids with their mom and dad, and while the kids were hesitant to keep on walking forward because of the wild raccoon, the father, who was furthest back, urged them on, saying 'Go on towards it. It's more afraid of you than you are of it.'

Keep On Truckin'

While driving back on the interstate from Mobile, we saw a truck with a smaller truck inside of it towing another truck that had a smaller truck inside of it. Isn't that the sort of thing that usually inspires some fantastic breakthrough in nuclear physics or genetic research, as opposed to a mere mention in some goofy column in a damn gay bar rag?

Not A Leather Pride Flag But, Close Enough

Driving around Gulfport, we saw lots of cars that had a small sticker featuring a black field with a blue stripe down the center of it, sort of resembling an incomplete Leather Pride flag. None of us had any idea what it was, but after 0.13 seconds of Google searching I just found out that the 'thin blue line' sticker indicates that the car is being driven by a police officer ( oooo, uniforms -- good ) and/or an officer's family member.

My Own Personal Katrina

As mentioned in my last column, after returning from my first trip to Mobile I got a call from my tenant, saying she went into the basement to do laundry, only to find that water was pouring from my first floor apartment into the basement. A defective toilet caused the flood, but luckily my tenant's fiancé works in construction, so I went to a Winn-Dixie supermarket to use the Western Union office there to send money back north so he could install a new toilet before I returned. Although the nameplate said 'Kate,' the actual name of the woman working the Western Union counter that day was Katrina.

He Was Cute, But On The Schmall Side

There was a good looking young guy ahead of me in line at the Western Union counter ( how nice of me to allow him to go ahead of me so I could scope him out... I mean 'because I hadn't quite finished filling out the form I had just completed when he walked up' ) , whose last name was 'Schmall.'

'Eat Not At Sonic'

In the past I have mentioned the evangelical Christian-owned Sonic hamburger restaurant on Highway 49 in Gulfport, which almost always has religious messages on one side of its main sign. This trip's featured message was: 'Fear not for the present, weep not for the past.'

If you fear not for the pretzel, weep not for the logic, e-mail me at and tell me all about it.

This article shared 1701 times since Wed Aug 22, 2007
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