Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-03-16



pretzel logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1924 times since Wed Apr 11, 2007
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Back in December I took a quick trip to Gulfport, Mississippi to visit my three friends who moved down there a few years ago, and that trip became a two-part column. I had no idea that by the end of January one of my friends, Gary, would unexpectedly pass away from a heart attack. On the first of March I flew down for a six-night visit with my two remaining friends, and while this might not sound much like the start of a humor column, just as my visit was in remembrance of Gary, so too is this two-part Pretzel Logic look at Dave doing Dixie dedicated to him.

I'm Dave, Fly Me

I traveled to Gulfport from Chicago, by way of Memphis, on Northwest Airlines, instead of taking the train, which is my usual method of travel. If I keep on doing all this flying, someday Amtrak's going to put a contract out on me if I'm not careful.

At Least They Didn't Use Chewing Gum To Hold The Engines On - I Think

The four strips of black duct tape used to hold the airplane's air conditioning grill to the cabin's ceiling was a lovely decorative touch.

Roadkill Grill?

There's a 'Jim Neely's Interstate Bar-B-Que' in the Memphis airport.

I Wonder If They Also Sell A T-Shirt Of Johnny Cash Holding A Maltese Falcon In Casablanca

The Rock & Soul Museum Store, also in the Memphis airport, sold a 'Man in Black' T-shirt that bore an image that looked an awful lot like a young Humphrey Bogart with a cigarette and a guitar.

I Got Stuck By The Store's Stinky Stax Stock

I liked this red 'Stax Records' T-shirt at the Stax Records store at the airport, but they only had them in small. The lady working there was not very encouraging when I asked if they might get in more mediums and larges by the next week ( since I wanted to get one during the layover on my flight back ) .

Lucky Me, My Seat Was 22-B

Right before boarding time for the flight from Memphis to Gulfport one of the Northwest Airline workers made an announcement that because the airline had unexpectedly changed the type of plane for this particular flight, they would be seating passengers in only the first 21 rows because that's all the rows the plane had, and they would try to make alternate plans for anyone without a seat.

Is This Any Way To Run An Airline?

For some odd reason it was about this time I began to think of them as 'Northworst Airlines.'

I Was Beginning To Think Amtrak Arranged This To Get Even With Me For Not Taking The Train Any More

After seating the passengers with tickets for the first 21 rows, Northwest allowed those of us remaining to get on the plane to try to find a vacant seat.

Yeah, Sorry About That Bud, But Heidi Klum Gave Me Her Ticket

I found the last available seat on the plane, a window seat that was hard to get to because a beefy, long-legged straight guy was in the aisle seat. He had placed his newspaper and some other stuff on it as if it was being reserved. I asked if anyone was sitting there, and he reluctantly said no, cleared his stuff off of it, scrunched his legs up and let me get over. Right after I sat down he joked 'To be honest, I was hoping a supermodel would be sitting next to me.'

I Was Right, Amtrak Is After Me!

One evening early in my trip my friend Mike and I were driving back to his house when we drove over a railroad crossing, that, because of the configuration of the track and the road, hid the fact that there was a freight train a few hundred feet down the track coming right at us. We did not see or hear anything until we were on the tracks and the train's headlight shined on us and the train hit its horn, and did I mention that this particular railroad crossing had no flashing lights or warning gates at all?

…Oh Good, Let's Give Them A Second Crack At It, Shall We?

My heart was still racing when we turned the corner, went about a quarter of a block or so and came to another railroad crossing, and I said…

If you have had your own awful airline experiences with Northworst Airlines, or if you have ever sat in a plane next to a supermodel, you can e-mail me at to tell me about it.

And I'd give anything to get an e-mail from my friend Gary just one more time.

This article shared 1924 times since Wed Apr 11, 2007
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

United Methodist Church splitting over LGBTQ acceptance
Theologically conservative Methodists have broken away from the United Methodist Church (UMC) over LGBTQ acceptance. According to a item, the breakaway denomination, called the Global Methodist Church, formed because ...

Gay News

News coverage of trans athletes reflects partisan biases, data show
-- From a press release - WATERLOO, ONTARIO, CANADA — News coverage of transgender athletes, including the history-making NCAA Division I champion swimmer Lia Thomas, often reflected the ideological biases of news outlets, which presented readers ...

Gay News

The Lost Daughter,' 'Red Rocket' among Spirit Award winners; LGBTQ+s underrepresented
The Lost Daughter, a psychological drama that is the directing debut of Maggie Gyllenhaal, was named the best feature at the 37th Film Independent Spirit Awards, Variety noted. Red Rocket's Simon Rex and Zola's Taylour Page ...

Gay News

THEATER The Black Knight
Title: The Black Knight. Playwright: Angeli Primlani At: Lifeboat Productions at City Lit, 1020 W. Bryn Mawr Ave. Tickets: $38; Runs through: April 2 The pre-curtain music is Wagner at his most narcotic, the chronological ...

Gay News

Hell in a Handbag Productions presents 'The Drag Seed'
-- From a press release - CHICAGO (February 25, 2022) — Hell in a Handbag Productions is pleased to continue its 20th anniversary season with a revival of its popular comedy The Drag Seed, an unauthorized parody of the 1956 psychological horror-thriller ...

Gay News

Report claims gay men excel academically but lesbians don't
A paper published in the American Sociological Review on Feb. 20 concludes that gay men excel academically as opposed to their straight counterparts, NBC News noted. Joel Mittleman—a University of Notre Dame sociologist and the paper's ...

Gay News

SAVOR Hannah's Bretzel
It's time to get Bavarian! Hannah's Bretzel, as you may guess, specializes in pretzel (or, rather, bretzel—the German word for pretzel). (Added benefits are that the bread is organic, whole-grain and free of chemical additives. ...

Gay News

Hell in a Handbag Productions presenting 'The Drag Seed'
-- From a press release - CHICAGO (January 24, 2022) Hell in a Handbag Productions is pleased to continue its 20th anniversary season with a revival of its popular comedy The Drag Seed, an unauthorized parody of the 1956 psychological horror-thriller ...

Gay News

BOOKS Author, activist Roy Wesley on his new book about his father
Gay Chicago author, activist and Fermalogic, Inc. COO Roy Wesley has written a new book about his father Invisible Vision: The hidden story of Dr. Newton K. Wesley, American contact-lens pioneer. Windy City Times: What made you ...

Gay News

Study: 30% of young LGBQ people have attempted suicide in their lifetimes
--From a press release - A new study by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law finds younger LGBQ adults experience greater psychological distress and suicidal behavior than older LGBQ people. Researchers examined a representative sample of LGBQ people in ...

Gay News

Nearly half of all LBQ women have been physically or sexually assaulted
--From a press release - New study examines the social, economic, physical, and psychological well-being of cisgender and transgender LBQ women and girls A new study by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law finds about 5% of cisgender and ...

Gay News

WORLD Court rulings, trans kids' books, activist dies, Naomi Campbell
A Chinese court upheld a ruling that a textbook description of homosexuality as "a psychological disorder" was not a factual error but merely an "academic view," according to the South China Morning Post. The Chinese LGBT ...

Gay News

APA adopts resolution opposing efforts to change people's gender identity
--From a press release - WASHINGTON — The American Psychological Association has adopted a resolution opposing efforts to change people's gender identity, citing scientific research showing that such actions may be harmful. The resolution, adopted ...

Gay News

APA Updates Resolutions Related to LGBTQ Issues
WASHINGTON — The American Psychological Association has revised three key policies related to LGBTQ issues to take into account the most recent research and changes in law, such as the legalization of same-sex marriage. APA's governing ...

Gay News

LGBT neuropsychologist mom pens book about life with very young kids
Dr. Bethany Cook is a 42-year-old licensed clinical psychologist (and member of the LGBT community) with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment. She's also a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and is an "ex-communicated Mormon ...


Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.






About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.