Since I've never denied that this column is cheesy, here's the second half of my Pretzel Logic look at my recent trip to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Liberate That Cock
One of the paintings I saw at the Milwaukee Art Museum was 'The Cock of the Liberation,' painted by Pablo Picasso in 1944.
Funny, I Always Thought It Was The Chicken
The little sign next to 'The Cock of the Liberation' stated 'The rooster, the emblem of France... '
I Don't Know Art, But I Do Know What I Like ( To Drink )
Why am I not shocked that there was a Pabst Gallery at the Milwaukee Art Museum?
Ve Haf Vays Uf Makink You Appreciate Art
Is it just coincidence that a city with as large a German population as Milwaukee would have an art museum with a large collections of antique German clocks and German Expressionist paintings?
Stop Dragging My Art Around - Part One
I mentioned in my first Milwaukee column that I did not see any drag queens in that city's gay bars this time around ( unlike a visit several years ago ) . However, at the Milwaukee Art Museum they do have an anonymously painted American painting from the 1820's called 'Portrait of a Child in a Pink Dress' that looks much more like 'Portrait of Young Man in a Pink Dress.'
Stop Dragging My Art Around - Part Two
Another painting in the museum, 'Portrait of a Young Boy,' attributed to Justus Ebgelhardt Kühn, ca. 1710, has a sign next to it that reads in part: 'The portrait attributed to Kühn, for example, was once identified as a young girl on account of the figure's dress [ not to mention the shoulder-length hair and rouged cheeks ] , but long gowns were worn by children of both genders in the period.'
I Guess They Do Beer Gardens Better In Milwaukee Than They Do Botanical Gardens
With the exception of one corner of the place, the Boerner Botanical Gardens in Milwaukee could be more accurately called the Boring Botanic Gardens.
Ve Haf Vays Uf Makink You Schtay Off Der Grass
A Boerner Botanical Gardens guard pointed out to a commercial photographer and two models who were shooting photos in the garden without a permit and standing in an area clearly marked as restricted, 'The plants will grow next spring if you don't kill them now walking all over them.'
Jeff Is Advertising
Graffiti written on a wall in the artsy Historic Third Ward area of Milwaukee: 'Jeff is gay.'
I Guess That History Is History
When I asked my friend from Milwaukee what was so historic about the 'Historic Third Ward' he wasn't all that sure.
Well, It's Dry And Brittle Inside, Just Like An Old Queen
The Public Market is a nifty Historic Third Ward food market with about 20 vendors in it, one of them being Kehr's Candies, which makes a chocolate covered sponge cake they call 'Fairy Food.'
Unparalleled Non Pareils
At the same time that I bought a piece of Fairy Food to try I also bought four dark chocolate non pareils from Kehr's, and they were the best I ever had.
Yeah Baby, Pound Me!
The next day I went back to Kehr's Candies and bought a one-pound box of their non pareils. The guy working there told me that they take phone and internet orders, so they can ship them. He then mentioned that they do have a one pound minimum for such an order, to which I replied 'That's obviously not a problem.'
I Said Pound Me! POUND ME!!
There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Kehr's Candies offered to give me free boxes of their rich-tasting, handmade dark chocolate non pareils in return for the shameless plugging of their company that's in this week's column. Goddammitall anyway!
If you're the Jeff of 'Jeff is gay' from Milwaukee you can e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com . That's especially true if, by some miraculous chance your last name should happen to be spelled 'K-E-H-R.'