t's the middle of July and the opening ceremonies for Gay Games VII will be this Saturday. So here is the Pretzel Logic guide to the Gay Games.
The reason why they call it 'Gay Games VII' has nothing to do with the average 'length' of the athletes.
...24 Hours A Day, 7 Days A Week, 365 Days a Year ( 366 In A Leap Year )
Just in case someone asks you when the Gay Games are taking place, you can always say...
...Anywhere There's Gay People
Just in case anyone asks you where the Gay Games are taking place, you can always say...
A Gamey Situation
In other words, aren't the 'Gay Games' about as redundant a name for an event as there ever has been?
Talking About Stereotypes
Synchronized swimming is a Gay Games event.
Putting The 'Gay' In The Gay Games - Part One
The Gay Games: Where guys pat each other on the ass even if they aren't on the same team.
Putting The 'Gay' In The Gay Games - Part Two
Or even necessarily athletes.
Gay Games Week Pickup Line No. 325
'Hi, I was wondering if you could help me practice for the nude wrestling event I'll be competing in at the Gay Games later this week.'
Gay Games Week Pickup Line No. 7,810
'I was wondering if you five guys would be so kind as to help me warm up for the Gay Games. I'm in the javelin swallowing competition.'
I imagine that the scores in the Gay Games version of flag football will not be very high since it's gotta be hard as hell to throw or catch a football when you're running around with a huge silk flag in each hand.
Putting The 'Gay' In The Gay Games - Part Three
The Gay Games: Where it's not just the athletes who are looking to score.
Gay Games Week Pickup Line No. 69
'If you're in town for the Gay Games you can always play with me.'
Putting The 'Gay' In The Gay Games - Part Four
The Gay Games: Where instead of fist fighting the ice hockey teams just fist each other.
Gay Games Week Pickup Line No. 105
'No, really, those type of 'watersports' actually are part of the Gay Games. Honest.'
Gay Games Week Pickup Line No. 1,198
'You're competing in the Gay Games diving competition? That's weird because I'm a judge in the same event. A lonely judge... '
Putting The 'Gay' In The Gay Games - Part Five
The Gay Games: where every sport, and not just golf, involves trying to get it in the little hole.
Gay Games Week Pickup Line
'You two guys are a hot couple. I'm in the Gay Games triathlon, and as I'm sure you know, the 'tri' in triathlon means 'three.' So maybe the three of us could go back to your place and... '
Anti-Gay Games - Part One
Anthony J. Peraica, the Republican Cook County Commissioner who would probably love your vote this fall in the election for Cook County Board President, formally requested that his name be withdrawn from an originally unanimous proclamation by the Cook County Board of Commissioners welcoming the Gay Games to Chicago.
Anti-Gay Games - Parts Two Through Five
The four other Republican members of the Cook County Board of Commissioners did the same weasel-like, homophobic, hatemongering thing are: Elizabeth Ann Doody Gorman, Gregg Goslin, Carl R. Hansen, and Peter N. Silvestri.
If you're part of the Gay Games javelin swallowing team you can e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com . However, if you're an organizer of the Gay Games and you are irate over any suggestion that diving judges could be bought for sex, please e-mail me at PeraicaLaw@aol.com .