My last column about my recent trip to Los Angeles only got me from Midway Airport to the airport in Dallas. With this one I actually mention Los Angeles.
For some reason every time I fly ( and I prefer Amtrak if you are a new reader ) I always end up in the Shatner seat or next to it.
Better Late Than Never
As people were slowly boarding the plane for the Dallas-to-LA flight ( the hysterical screaming child I mentioned in my last column didn't help, nor did the hysterical, screaming columnist ) , at one point the captain got on the airplane intercom and said 'We should be getting away... 12 minutes ago.'
And I Wasn't Drunk Or Passed Out
I slept through the takeoff.
His Cup Runneth Over
When I woke up about half way through the flight, the beefy guy in the seat next to me was sound asleep, with both his hands cupping his crotch.
...An Orchestra Of Electronic Crickets
When we landed at Los Angeles and the captain said it was OK to use cell phones, as the plane was taxiing in the gentle, ethereal chirping serenade of cell phones logging on sounded like...
Holy Shirt - Part One
As I was waiting to get off the plane in Los Angeles, I noticed a late-middle-aged straight couple ( the man looked like an old queen and the woman had a bad henna rinse ) wearing matching 'I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb' t-shirts.
The Captain At IML
As people were standing, waiting to get off the plane, the captain got on the intercom and made an announcement for people to 'come forward,' which he then followed by saying 'this comes from a man who demands strict obedience.'
Getting Shortchanged By Brokeback
My hotel was in the Little Tokyo neighborhood in LA, and on my first trip walking around the area I saw a sign offering directions to two museums, a plaza, and 'Go for Broke Mon't.' It turns out the Go for Broke Monument has nothing to do with Jack and Ennis.
Michael Jackson's Favorite Place To Eat
There is a Young Dong Korean restaurant in LA.
It's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to eat as well.
Michael Jackson's Favorite City
A check of the phone book showed that Los Angeles is also home to 'Young Dong Billiards,' 'Young Dong Comics' and 'Young Dong Hite Rounge.'
I Have No Idea
Taking The 'A' Train
I also noticed that the LA white pages listed eight entries under 'A.'
Dave Magdziarz, Made In Japan
I was on the bus to get to Beverly Hills so a friend and I could then go to Oil Can Harry's, a gay country bar in LA, when I noticed an Asian guy wearing a cowboy hat and python cowboy boots getting on the bus. I noticed that he noticed my ostrich skin boots as he walked past me. As the bus ride continued I overheard his conversation with a woman sitting next to him in which he was talking about the 28 pairs of boots, and all the boots he planned on buying, especially ostrich boots which he really wanted. When I got off the bus I glanced back and he smiled, and it really is a small damn world after all.
Holy Shirt - Parte Dos
While browsing through the Mexican market at Olvera Street the next day, I saw a vendor selling T-shirts with the message, 'Who would Jesus deport?'
Another T-shirt read 'Christopher Columbus: The Original Wetback.'
When People Got Bright Ideas Before The Invention Of The Light Bulb
One of the gift shops in Olvera Street contained a life-sized statue of Jesus with a huge plastic flame coming out of his head.
If you have no idea what the 'Shatner seat' is, e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and I'll tell you what episode of The Twilight Zone to watch.