Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

pretzel logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2006-05-03

This article shared 1617 times since Wed May 3, 2006
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


y last column about my recent travels to Texas to visit a friend of mine who moved there a few years ago got as far as my arrival at the Dallas airport. This one examines what happened when Davey did Dallas.

Made In The USA

We stopped at a gas station/convenience store located out in the Texas boondocks which was all decked out in red, white and blue bunting and at least a half-dozen signs saying 'This business AMERICAN owned/operated,' and which almost certainly had nothing to do with the fact that the gas station next door was owned by a person of East Indian descent.

No Shit

Another sign at the place said it was owned by a 'native Texan.'

Sign O' The Times

A small sign hanging on a wall at a store an hour or more outside of the Dallas area: 'Life is too short to live in Dallas.'

Keep On Truckin'

One day my friend and I drove around the Cedar Hills State Park. One of the more interesting sights was the skinny little bottom boy in his early 20s hopping out of the cab of a semi-trailer truck that was parked in one of the secluded areas of the park.

Arresting Officer

As we were driving toward the park exit we passed a park ranger speeding in the other direction ( towards the 'truck stop' ) , and we wondered if he was going there to make an arrest or try for a three-way.

For Every Lesbian There Is An Equal And Opposite Lesbian

On Friday night, my first night in Dallas, I went to the gay country bar there, the Roundup. While I was leaving the dance floor after dancing a waltz I almost got run over by a lesbian couple who were dancing to the next song. On Sunday at the Roundup I ended up dancing several fast songs with a lesbian ( who did the leading ) after she came over to me, my friend and his newly-found 'special friend' and asked which of us was the best two-stepper, and the two of them pointed to me.

Well, I Used To Like Mexican Food…

I was back at the Roundup on Monday evening for their dance class, and afterwards a few of the regulars invited me to join them for dinner. One of the guys, commenting on why he never wanted to have sex with a woman said, 'They got that wet taco thing goin' on down there.'

Taxi Mister?

I borrowed my friend's Audi to drive to the Monday dance class because my friend had to be elsewhere at that time. Driving back to his place I decided to fill up the gas tank for him. Not being used to driving a high-performance car, I had to answer with a sheepish 'no, regular' when he asked if I had used premium gas in the car, which ( for all you non-lesbians out there ) is what you're supposed to use in such cars. I felt bad, and jokingly said, 'You can tie a rope around me and drag me from the back of your pickup truck -- you know, the old 'Texas taxicab.''

Taxi Mister? Part Two

Maybe I should have more clearly explained to him that it was in fact meant just as a joking reference.

That's 'Mister Sissy' To You, Kid!

While my friend and I were at the Fort Worth Botanic Garden, we were leaving one area when a girl who was probably about five years old and walking right behind me suddenly said out loud to her younger sister 'Sissy, this way.'

Not That I'm Insecure Or Anything

OK, I'll admit it. I did look back to make sure that the kid really did have a younger sister and that she was talking to her.

Even If The 5-Year-Olds Aren't

Also at the Fort Worth Botanic Garden, we saw a sidewalk patch upon which someone wrote in the cement: 'The trees are our friends.'

If you're a good-looking, boot-wearing Texas state park ranger, feel free to e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com

If you're that damn smart-mouthed 5-year old, you can e-mail me at grimreaper@plannedparenthood.org


This article shared 1617 times since Wed May 3, 2006
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Asians and Friends welcomes the Year of the Dragon 2024-02-26
- On the evening of Feb. 25, Asians and Friends kicked off the Lunar New Year with their annual dinner and celebration at Pho Viet Vietnamese Restaurant. This year's event was focused on this being the Year ...


Gay News

Looking back at Chicago LGBTQ+ community's stand against Anheuser-Busch 2024-01-30
- As conservatives across the country boycotted Anheuser-Busch products for Bud Light's partnership with trans woman Dylan Mulvaney in 2023, LGBTQ+ bars in Chicago removed their products for a different reason. Following the deeply negative response to ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub closes after nearly 40 years, following boycott 2023-11-21
Decades of Photo Archives below - After nearly forty years, Berlin Nightclub, 954 W. Belmont Ave., officially closed its doors Nov. 19 following a months-long fight between its owners and unionized workers. Owners Jim Schuman and Jo Webster officially announced Berlin Nightclub's ...


Gay News

Happy Hail-loween: Rough weather doesn't get the better of Haunted Halsted revelers 2023-11-03
- The 26th annual Haunted Halsted Halloween Parade returned for the 26th time on Oct. 31. Attendees were challenged by a mix of rain, snow and hail as they marched down Halsted Street from Belmont Avenue towards ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub workers urge customers to boycott as they fight for fair contract 2023-10-31
- Berlin Nightclub workers are calling for people to boycott the LGBTQ+ club while they push for their first contract, which they hope will include increased wages and access to healthcare. Berlin Nightclub workers unionized in April ...


Gay News

MIR's Intergalactic Rubber celebration soars to a suburb not too far way 2023-10-27
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Mister International Rubber (MIR) 27, this year themed as Intergalactic Rubber, took off Oct. 19-22 from their new location at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton in Skokie. MIR26 Pusckatt Pumera Onyx stepped down and passed their ...


Gay News

GAY HISTORY MONTH In the '60s, drag found a home in San Francisco's Glen Park 2023-10-02
- Special to Windy City Times. To mark Gay History Month, this article appears courtesy of the Bay Area Reporter. During the '60s most LGBTQ nightlife in San Francisco was centered in the northern neighborhoods of the ...


Gay News

Nobody's Darling celebrates expansion into adjoining property with soft opening event 2023-09-24
- In the little over two years since its opening, Nobody's Darling in Andersonville has emerged as one of the premiere inclusive spaces to gather in Chicago. Nobody's Darling has become so successful that co-owners Angela Barnes ...


Gay News

Chicago musician, producer and DJ Don Crescendo killed in Avondale stabbing 2023-09-20
- Chicago's LGBTQ+ nightlife community and allies have rallied around the family and close friends of local longtime musician, producer and DJ Rodney Donovan Taylor, a.k.a. Don Crescendo, in the wake of his death by stabbing last ...


Gay News

MUSIC Kylie Minogue to debut Vegas residency this fall 2023-07-28
- The Venetian Resort Las Vegas revealed details surrounding its new 1,000-seat nightlife space, Voltaire, with the announcement of its first headliner—pop sensation and LGBTQ+ ally Kylie Minogue, a press release ...


Gay News

Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Trans musicians, NHL, 'Queen Charlotte,' Jinkx Monsoon, Anderson Cooper 2023-04-08
- The Face published an article about five trans musicians who should be on people's playlists. British queer nightlife legend Mya Mehmi said that those musicians include New York's Ms Boogie, London-based Harve, Arca, Ms. Carrie Stacks ...


Gay News

Winners chosen in the International Puppy and Trainer Contest 2023-04-03
- The International Puppy & Trainer Contest was held in Chicago the weekend of March 31 to April 2 for the first time since 2019. The contest's Meet & Greet was held at Cellblock on March 31. The contest was hosted the ...


Gay News

PASSAGES: Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend and hairdresser Jojo Baby 2023-03-16
- Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend, doll-maker and hairdresser Jojo Baby died March 14 of liver, lung and stomach cancer. They were 51. Baby was born April 10, 1971, in Chicago and grew up ...


Gay News

Puppy & Handler Contest returns 2023-02-21
Joseph Stephens - The Midwest Puppy & Handler Contest took place the weekend of Feb. 17-18 for the first time since 2019. The contest's meet-and-greet was held at Cellblock Feb. 17. The contest itself was hosted by the Leather ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.