Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

pretzel logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2006-01-25

This article shared 1779 times since Wed Jan 25, 2006
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I'm not even pretending that there's even the slightest theme to this collection of random items. Think of this as 'free association Pretzel Logic style.'

Now I Know, In A Small Way, What It Must Feel Like To Be Former Illinois Governor ( And Probably-Soon-To-Be-Convicted Bribe-Taking Felon ) George Ryan

In my column about the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus show, 'A Cowboy Christmas,' I joked that while there was no truth to the rumors that the CGMC gave me free front row tickets to their show in return for a full column's worth of space from me. ( And truth be told, they actually didn't. It was all those guys in the cowboy boots, and jeans, and cowboy boots, and cowboy hats, and cowboy boots, and vests, and cowboy boots that did the trick for me, so to speak. ) However, a friend of mine who is in the chorus said he was going to get me a pair of tickets to their next show, 'The Ten Commandments: The Musical.' It's not free vacations to Jamaica and tons of tax-free cash silently slipped to me, but it's a start.

People? Who Needs People?

This past November People listed U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald as one of the sexiest men alive. It's nice to know that the plagiarists at People read Pretzel Logic, since WAY THE FUCK BACK in my column of September 25, 2002 I said ' ...former WorldCom vice president and controller, and alleged felon, David Myers [ is ] boyishly good looking. Another middle aged straight guy with the same sort of appeal is Patrick Fitzgerald, US District Attorney for the Northern District of Illinois. Hmmm, a three-way with the two of them would have sort of a cops & robbers theme to it.'

Let Me Be Brief

I ended that column by saying 'If you too have fantasies about Patrick Fitzgerald's briefs, e-mail me... '

In Case You Have A Blowout

Recent spam subject line: 'Buyer beware - Penis patches!'

Is That A Beak In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Another name for the woodcock is the mudsucker, and you should know that I am talking about birds, you naughty, naughty people.

Is That A Guinea Fowl In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

According to a recipe for a 'Russian doll roast' that I found on line, one of the things you have to do is to 'Place the barded teal inside a well-hung guinea-fowl.'

Ol' Dirty Bustard

The last step is to 'Place the turkey inside an enormous bustard.'

Hornythologists

Woodcocks, cocks, woodpeckers, palm warblers, chickenhawks, boobies, anis, lapwings, bustards, whip-poor-wills. Not to mention well-hung guinea fowls. And just who is watching the birdwatchers? It's a good thing that I'm not bittern.

Birds Of A Feather

In late December I received an e-mail from a guy named David who said 'Hello - I'm getting an early start to keeping a New Year's Resolution. ( NYR - Contact writers whose work I enjoy and tell them you do ) . I wanted to let you know I that I really enjoy your writing and look forward to it.' Let's keep those cards and letters ( and e-mails ) coming in, folks.

And My Favorite Flower Is Not The Narcissus

No, I did not write that e-mail to myself, thankyouverymuchyoubitteroldqueenyou.

Size Queen

This past summer I bought one small item at Best Buy and, what with return policies, customer survey info, an acknowledgment that I have received the goods I paid for, and even a little bit of space for the actual purchase, the receipt measured 23' long. A few weeks later another receipt from the same store for one thing came in a close second at 22'.

That's Funny, I Thought Michael Jackson Was Found Not Guilty

Recent newspaper story headline: 'Clown gets 55 years for child molestation.'

If you know other improper-sounding bird names, or if you too have fantasies about Patrick Fitzgerald's briefs, e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and let me know all about it.


This article shared 1779 times since Wed Jan 25, 2006
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

COBRAH slithers into Chicago and brings Feminine Energy 2024-03-08
- COBRAH snaked her way into Thalia Hall, 1807 S. Allport St., for two nights March 7 and 8 for her Succubus Tour. This Swedish-born talent has a way with naughty words and ...


Gay News

Asians and Friends welcomes the Year of the Dragon 2024-02-26
- On the evening of Feb. 25, Asians and Friends kicked off the Lunar New Year with their annual dinner and celebration at Pho Viet Vietnamese Restaurant. This year's event was focused on this being the Year ...


Gay News

Looking back at Chicago LGBTQ+ community's stand against Anheuser-Busch 2024-01-30
- As conservatives across the country boycotted Anheuser-Busch products for Bud Light's partnership with trans woman Dylan Mulvaney in 2023, LGBTQ+ bars in Chicago removed their products for a different reason. Following the deeply negative response to ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub closes after nearly 40 years, following boycott 2023-11-21
Decades of Photo Archives below - After nearly forty years, Berlin Nightclub, 954 W. Belmont Ave., officially closed its doors Nov. 19 following a months-long fight between its owners and unionized workers. Owners Jim Schuman and Jo Webster officially announced Berlin Nightclub's ...


Gay News

Happy Hail-loween: Rough weather doesn't get the better of Haunted Halsted revelers 2023-11-03
- The 26th annual Haunted Halsted Halloween Parade returned for the 26th time on Oct. 31. Attendees were challenged by a mix of rain, snow and hail as they marched down Halsted Street from Belmont Avenue towards ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub workers urge customers to boycott as they fight for fair contract 2023-10-31
- Berlin Nightclub workers are calling for people to boycott the LGBTQ+ club while they push for their first contract, which they hope will include increased wages and access to healthcare. Berlin Nightclub workers unionized in April ...


Gay News

MIR's Intergalactic Rubber celebration soars to a suburb not too far way 2023-10-27
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Mister International Rubber (MIR) 27, this year themed as Intergalactic Rubber, took off Oct. 19-22 from their new location at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton in Skokie. MIR26 Pusckatt Pumera Onyx stepped down and passed their ...


Gay News

GAY HISTORY MONTH In the '60s, drag found a home in San Francisco's Glen Park 2023-10-02
- Special to Windy City Times. To mark Gay History Month, this article appears courtesy of the Bay Area Reporter. During the '60s most LGBTQ nightlife in San Francisco was centered in the northern neighborhoods of the ...


Gay News

Nobody's Darling celebrates expansion into adjoining property with soft opening event 2023-09-24
- In the little over two years since its opening, Nobody's Darling in Andersonville has emerged as one of the premiere inclusive spaces to gather in Chicago. Nobody's Darling has become so successful that co-owners Angela Barnes ...


Gay News

Chicago musician, producer and DJ Don Crescendo killed in Avondale stabbing 2023-09-20
- Chicago's LGBTQ+ nightlife community and allies have rallied around the family and close friends of local longtime musician, producer and DJ Rodney Donovan Taylor, a.k.a. Don Crescendo, in the wake of his death by stabbing last ...


Gay News

MUSIC Kylie Minogue to debut Vegas residency this fall 2023-07-28
- The Venetian Resort Las Vegas revealed details surrounding its new 1,000-seat nightlife space, Voltaire, with the announcement of its first headliner—pop sensation and LGBTQ+ ally Kylie Minogue, a press release ...


Gay News

Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Trans musicians, NHL, 'Queen Charlotte,' Jinkx Monsoon, Anderson Cooper 2023-04-08
- The Face published an article about five trans musicians who should be on people's playlists. British queer nightlife legend Mya Mehmi said that those musicians include New York's Ms Boogie, London-based Harve, Arca, Ms. Carrie Stacks ...


Gay News

Winners chosen in the International Puppy and Trainer Contest 2023-04-03
- The International Puppy & Trainer Contest was held in Chicago the weekend of March 31 to April 2 for the first time since 2019. The contest's Meet & Greet was held at Cellblock on March 31. The contest was hosted the ...


Gay News

PASSAGES: Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend and hairdresser Jojo Baby 2023-03-16
- Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend, doll-maker and hairdresser Jojo Baby died March 14 of liver, lung and stomach cancer. They were 51. Baby was born April 10, 1971, in Chicago and grew up ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.